


The Great Adventure of a Void Chicken Covered Book

by malanachachki



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on multiple songs, Diary/Journal, F/M, Inspired by Music, Music, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, dear diary, spotify playlist, this story is getting darker the more i go along fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 22:11:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12067977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malanachachki/pseuds/malanachachki
Summary: Pelican Town LOVES playing pass the parcel, and someone has just discovered a new parcel: a void chicken printed book with "Property of Sebastian" etched into the front. He knows it's gone and he is terrified, but a certain farmer keeps distracting him from the search.Spotify Playlist for each chapter: https://open.spotify.com/user/1247786984/playlist/7BTss6E9iK3iUiqwLqbgH1Tumblr for character social media extras: voidchickencoveredbook.tumblr.com





	1. Gloom Boy

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure what is going on here but it's a work in progress.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The boys are back, the boys are sad."

**_Winter Year 1, Day 6_ **  
_You know you’re too attached to a book when you forget that someone is in your bed, naked. Not because Abigail is forgettable or anything, but because I had something bigger pressing on my mind. My journal had vanished from its spot in between my two drawers. I’m not proud to note that I noticed this issue when I was mid pump inside her and had looked over to see that the two drawers were sitting normally, instead of being slightly pushed apart._  
_I’ll admit that the situation appears kind of comical. I’m running around naked throwing my possessions onto the bed like a mad man while she got dressed and left in a huff. I now realise that that may be the last time Abigail and I have sex. I’m kind of ok with cutting out that habit._  
_Especially with that being all it was._  
_I’ve got other people on my mind._  
_In fact, basically straight after Abi left, I had to quickly stop my search and get dressed. Like clockwork, every day at about 3 pm, Rosie the new farmer would show up at my bedroom and just let herself in, and like hell was I letting her see me naked… yet._  
_She probably wouldn’t want it anyway._  
_Not with people like Alex around._  
_But back to the main point of today’s entry. Missing all of the entries that came before today. Having my journal be out of where I know it is safe from anyone else is fucking terrifying. I’ve said some bad things in there, not only about myself but also about OTHER PEOPLE (see: me literally writing that I was having sex with Abigail in the least attractive manner). Other people who could very easily get a hold of it in this small ass town with next to no population. Mum could find it on a trek home. Linus could be using it for fire starter. Rosie could have found it while foraging around for berries to give to Linus and make wine. Fuck. Rosie. It would be horrible if anyone found it, but the worst would be Rosie. The things I’ve written about what I think of her. The things I want to do to her. How whenever I slept with Abi after Rosie came to town, I thought of her. But for now, I can just hope that I’ve forgotten to put it back, and that my dumb little book covered in void chickens is safe, and keep writing in this little guy._  
  
**_Winter year 1, Day 7_ **  
_It’s not safe. Fuck._

  
“Hello stranger!” I smiled and called out as Sebastian opened the door to the saloon, his usual mopey face seeming even more pulled down than usual as he ignored my welcome. He walked straight to the bar, an unusual action for him. I cocked my head to the side in curiosity as I watched him buy a beer from Gus as he shrugged his jacket off his body. He never did that. Even at closer inspection his hands looked clammy and pale. Was he ok? His head flicked over to look at me and I quickly looked away, maybe slightly in fear that he may turn me to stone, slightly in fear him catching me watching would help him cotton on to the fact I was curiously attracted to him.  
“He’s not doing well right now.” Abi chided in behind me and I knew we were on the same wavelength, both observing an odd action from a man usually so involved in his own routine. There was an odd chill in her voice, however, and it did not come from the outside weather.  
“Yeah, he posted some emo lyrics and shit on Snapchat.” Sam mentioned, and I turned around to see the faint ghost of a smirk on his face as I returned the favour with a scowl. I didn’t like it when Sam made fun of his music taste, seeing as I liked the same bands when I lived in Zuzu City. I looked back up to see him walking over, smiling at him to see if I could pull a small one from him.  
I couldn’t.  
He sat down on the red couch, earning a scowl from Abigail as he took her “spot” which she usually watched the boys play pool from. I went to sit down with him, Abigail and Sam turning back to the pool table, swept back into the calm relaxing vibe of the Saloon. Seb didn’t make a sound, so we sat in silence for a little while, watching everyone do their own thing.  
“Heard you’re a bit down in the dumps?” I said, looking away from him and fixating my stare on the pool cue in Abi's hanf  
“Can we not talk about it? I can’t really explain it anyway.” he murmured, and I turned to see him looking into his beer.  
“One of those days huh? I had them all the time in Zuzu. Just breathe. That’s all I can give you.” I sighed, placing a hand on his leg. He gave off a small smile, still staring into his beer. I took that as a sign he was going to be ok for now, and stood up to leave.  
“Oh, you’re leaving?” Seb asked, his face shooting up to look at me, and I smiled at him, nodding as I collected my bag and winter jacket from next to the couch.  
“Tomorrow is a big harvest day in the greenhouse.” I sighed, as he stood up as well, placing his still full beer on the table, earning a small scowl from Shane.  
“I’ll walk you home.,” he offered, nodding at Sam and Abigail, who looked at him like they’d seen a ghost. I stood back, slightly shocked at the offer, but nodded. It was worth trying to pick his brain to see what was really going on. Slowly, we made out way out of the Saloon. In the corner of my eye, I saw Pam reading a book covered in void chickens. I looked curiously, not recognising it from the library.  
“You coming?” Seb asked and I looked back to see him holding the door open. I shrugged the thought of the book off and stepped into the snow, shoving arms back into jackets and shivering slightly as cool air hit our faces. He blushed a red, and if it hadn’t been for the weather I would have questioned it. We set off, wandering way too slow for the weather we were in. I wanted to get home but I also wanted to spend more time with him, to see if what was going on in his head was really hurting him. As we finally made it past the doctor’s surgery and on the road to my farm, he spoke up.  
“Have you ever… lost something? Like, something really important… and if you don’t find it, it could ruin everything?” he asked, and I looked over to him. His shoulders were hunched and he had small tears in his eyes. I walked over to the fence at the side of the road and jumped up, and beckoned for him to come sit with me.  
“Other than my mind when I decided to move to a farm after growing up in the city? No, not really. But I get the sentiment.” I said as he climbed up to join me on the wood, which felt like ice under my butt. We sat there for a little while, him sobbing, while I watched the snowflakes fall onto his shaking back  
“It’s really dumb… I’m sorry.” he said, his voice hitching as he tried to pull the tears back. I reached for his thigh again, shuffling closer to him. He accepted, putting his arm around my back and his head on my shoulder. I felt his body shiver a few times, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold or if he was still crying.  
“Dude no, do NOT apologise to me.” I said, as I squeezed his thigh, and pushed his head up with my shoulder so he would look at me. “Every day without fail you let me into your house and listen to me whine about insignificant shit for even five minutes, and it makes my fucking day that someone wants to listen to me. I’d be an asshole if I didn’t listen with open arms. Look… I don’t know how to help you, but if it would make you feel any better, you should crash at mine tonight and help on the farm tomorrow.”  
“Huh?” he said, looking a bit taken aback. I mentally berated myself for even suggesting it, but took a deep breath in and continued my statement.  
“I don’t know about you, but since moving the fresh air and all the work has kept… stuff at bay, but it’s a lonely world.” I sighed, letting out the breath I took, “Also, sleepovers are fun.”  
“That… is a fair point.” He let out a small laugh, letting go of me to wipe his eyes and jump off the fence, turning back around to face me, “Ok farmer girl, I’ll take your offer. One condition, however.”  
“Shoot.”  
“You let me go through your old CD’s. I know you don’t like to listen to the stuff you owned in Zuzu City but from what I’ve heard from the stuff you like now, it’s quite a formidable collection.” He smiled, and I groaned inwardly. I knew this day was coming, what with our common love of music, but still I wished he’d never asked. I jumped off the fence and we departed, once again walking slowly towards my place.

“No fucking way!” I heard from my room, and I looked over my shoulder from the stove to see Sebastian running out of my room with a CD case in hand. I shuddered slightly, wondering what band he had pulled out and what shitty memory was going to ride in with it. The look on his face, however, was elated.  
“What did you find, man?” I asked, turning around to face him properly as he excitedly bounced from one foot to the other. I had never seen him this excited about something before, and it was shades different to the man who had walked home with me. I silently applauded myself for my stupid plan working.  
“WATERPARKS!” he hollered, waving the case in front of me. I recognized the vivid yellow cover of Double Dare and a small smile crept onto my face. They’d been one band I’d kept with me, and quiet often I would wander around the farm and hum along to Stupid For You. I thanked Yoba that he hadn’t pulled out anything else.  
“Congratulations Seb, you found the ONE band in that pile I don’t actively avoid! You like them?” I asked, turning back to check the food I was making us both. He walked over and pushed himself up onto the bench.  
“Yeah! I rode out to Zuzu to see them last year! Camped out because Robin wouldn’t help me book a hotel room and I spent all my savings on the tickets. Worth every second.” He chuckled, and I dropped the spoon into the sauce I was making as I grabbed his arm in shock. He reeled back slightly at my touch, and I realized I grabbed him super hard. I didn’t let go, however.  
“You camped for Parx? I was first in line! It was the last show I went to before I quit Joja and moved here.” I buzzed, and his eyes lit up. It mustn’t be very often that Sebastian gets people who know/listen to/have seen the bands he likes in town. It was a nice feeling to see that in his eyes.  
“Wait… did you see that girl deck someone because they were picking on someone sitting with her? She had a mean right hook and if I’m honest, I’m still terrified of her.” he asked, and I loosened my grip on his arm, looking back down towards dinner.  
“Uhh. Yeah I remember that. They were bullying a young girl next to me in line who didn’t have meet and greet because she was poor, and she had saved up coins she found on the street everyday and convinced her parents to let her use it for that and not extra food. It was only $40, but it took her almost up until the concert to even afford it. They were giving her so much shit for it, I had to step up and say something. Saying something didn’t do enough, so… I made my actions speak louder. I nearly didn’t get let into the show so I gave her my meet and greet and I just went general... Figured it was better to lose out a little bit and she got to meet them, rather than her not get to and that meet and greet going to waste.” I let out a sigh, and looked back at him. I saw a look in his eyes I had never seen before. It was a mix of pride and… respect? Surely nothing I had earned from him at any rate.  
“Wait, so you did the punching? I’m impressed. Also confused as to how I didn’t connect the dots. You must have changed your hair.” He laughed, ruffling up the top of my hair, earning a scowl from me.  
“Still scared of me?” I asked, and he chuckled again as he climbed off the bench and walked over to the kitchen table to sit down for dinner  
“Shaking in my boots, Rosie. Absolutely terrified.” He smirked, and went to open his mouth to speak again, when the song changed. He clamped his mouth shut quickly and closed his eyes, a small smile creeping onto his face. I watched him for a minute, noticing his fingers drumming along with perfect timing, and as little hums began to emanate from him.  
“Gloom Boys, huh?” I asked after a minute, and he opened his eyes, the small little smile sticking around.  
“There is a lot of this song I relate to I guess. Mainly the title.” He said, looking over at the stereo, “it’s not your typical sad song but… something about it seems to gel with me when I’m depressed, I guess.”  
“Wow, I knew you were a miserable bastard, but I never took you for a soft one.” I laughed, “but hey, I totally get it. We can be gloom boys together if you want. Write in the dark, bring knives to gunfights, all that shit.” I walked dinner over, placing the plates down, and sitting down next to him. He shifted away slightly, and I could tell he thought it was weird that I didn’t sit opposite him. I stood my ground and began to eat my pasta as once again the song changed. We sat in silence, listening to the rest of the album as we ate away.  
Slowly, as we sat, my mind began to wander about what was to happen next. I had invited him to stay over but I was missing a few fundamental things that are required for a Successful Non Sexual Just Pals Hanging Out and Being Depressed Kind of Sleepover With Someone Who Up Until Today You Were Pretty Sure Still Low-key Hated You but You’ve Always Been Weirdly Attracted To (better known as The SNSJPHOBDKSWSWUUTYWPSSLHY):  
1\. Pyjamas for him  
2\. Clothes for him to work in tomorrow on the farm  
and most importantly  
3\. SOMEWHERE FOR HIM TO SLEEP ROSIE YOU DUMBASS.  
I didn’t have a couch or anything, but I did have a double bed. Oh boy.  
He’d have underwear at least. Double oh boy.  
Everything is an oh boy right now. My curious attraction to this idiot boy is either about to get me into a lot of trouble, or get me laid.  
“Rosie.” He said, and I was snapped out of my little world back to reality. Both of our plates were clean and washed and he was standing near my bedroom door, his arms crossed, his brow furrowed in… anger? Curiosity? I wasn’t sure. The music had stopped playing. I shook my head to pull myself completely out of the fog and stood up myself, walking slowly towards him.  
“I need you to level with me. In the last 20 minutes, did I say anything out loud that was NOT about Waterparks?” I asked, my voice breaking slightly.  
“Curiously attracted? Pyjamas? Something about a non-sexual sleepover? Also… getting laid.” He rattled off, and I felt my cheeks flare red and I stopped walking. I forgot that now that I lived alone, my thought spirals usually coincided with me talking aloud. So… my dumbass just admitted to Seb that I was, in some way, attracted to him and wanted to maybe possibly sleep with him.  
OH BOY.  
“Fuck… I’m sorry. I won’t mind if you want to go home.” I said, staring at the floor.  
“Rose…” he said, and the use of my real name hit me like a ton of bricks. I head footsteps and I refused to look up. I was not going to see the disappointment in his eyes. I was NOT going to ruin the curious attraction by looking up and noticing he was walking out the door. So, naturally, I did not expect to hear the footsteps stop right in front of me. I did not expect a hand under my chin. I did not expect my head being pulled up to look at him. I did NOT expect a smile.  
“Rose. You are insufferable. Now come to bed, it’s late and we have a big harvest day tomorrow.” He laughed, and turned to walk away. I looked at my hands real quick, unsure of how to react to WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. I let out a breath, and walked towards the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I hoped it would shut the interaction we just had out too, so I could actually sleep without being in a sludgy puddle of my own embarrassment. That’s exactly what happened. Sleep. Sleep all wrapped up in Seb's arms. If I’m honest, my first night not sleeping alone in Pelican Town was not terrible, and it is certainly something I could get used to.


	2. Four Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's no view from here."

_Pam has always confused me. I walk past her trailer every time I go to Sam’s and I just wonder HOW she couldn’t possibly have a house for her and Penny by now. Now that I’ve thought about it a bit, it’s probably because of how much she spends at the Saloon. She’d be rivaling Shane’s total for how much money she puts into that place. If Gus put half of what she pays for a beer away, he’d be able to buy a place for her._

_There has to be a reason for it though, right? Why she just can’t be fucked to let go of the trailer and get a real place? I mean, I don’t know too much about her past, or Penny’s dad… could that be it? I know Penny is pretty fucking miserable. I mean, I shouldn’t know that. Penny told Sam that, then Sam told me even though he shouldn’t. Seems like she wants to break free to me. Hopefully her and Sam get together and escape for Zuzu like I plan to. It could be good for them. Pam could have an extra room in her trailer to make beer to sell to the Saloon herself! She could knock up a mean brew, I reckon. She knows enough about it._

_Humans will never fail to confuse me, especially the ones that refuse to move forward in life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok SO! I've decided to put all the songs each chapter are names after into a spotify playlist! If you'd like to listen and even get a feel for future chapters (bc I'm also using it for a soundboard to help me write) the link is here: https://open.spotify.com/user/1247786984/playlist/7BTss6E9iK3iUiqwLqbgH1


	3. Passiona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm absolutely, infinitely more scared of you than you are of me"

_Winter Day 9 Year 1_

_Oh man, I could not be a farmer._   
_I CAN’T FEEL MY ARMS._   
_MY POOR FUCKING ARMS._   
_I have so much newfound respect for Rosie after that night and day on the farm. It was cold as fuck and she still went out into that greenhouse and pulled down HEAPS of fruit. She has a lot more to her than I even imagined. I think I might be getting soft, but I think I could actually see myself WITH her, as opposed to just fucking her. I’ve been listening to Waterparks all day, thinking about her silly little humming while she works. How she can’t walk in a straight line when she’s carrying baskets of veggies to Pierre’s. I’m such a soft bastard. She even listened to me cry, like ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY FUCKING CRY like a baby over my diary (which I still haven’t found) as if it was her own problem and she needed to work out an answer. Oh God… her poor little face when she worked out that she had been talking out loud about me sleeping in her bed. She went so red. I’d like to think I’m going to have that effect on her in other ways, one day. She even admitted to being slightly attracted to me, and by the sounds of everything else, she’s even open to sex… I sometimes forget that girls have sex drives too. Abi always made it feel like a scheduled chore in the end there._   
_Girls are weird._

I finished unloading all the bottles of wine that I had in my bag, while Pierre counted out how much he owed me for the lot.   
“I just can’t understand why you can’t just sell this stuff direct to Gus. He’s adamant he has to buy it from me, but beats me why. I just jack up the price on him.” Pierre laughed, and I shot him a look.   
“Pierre… I get you have to make a profit and all, but can you not jack up the prices of my product TOO much? Otherwise I might just start charging more for it.” I zipped up my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and picking my fishing rod back up from the counter.   
“Promise, Rosie. You’re the only thing keeping this store on a rotation of stock. You’re an asset to the local economy, that’s for sure.” He chuckled, handing me the money. I pocketed it, flashing him a smile.   
“Well at least I’m good for something!” I giggled, shaking his hand real quick, “I’ll see you next week, Pierre! I have a lot of cheese nearly aged up!”  
“Cheers Rosie! Have a good afternoon!” he waved goodbye as I turned to walk out the door. I pushed hard against the sometimes-sticky door, and heard a crunch as it hit something, and that something tumbled back down the few stairs onto the snowy path. Oh boy, not something. Someone. I quickly flung myself outside the door and let it slam shut behind me as I jumped down all 6 stairs to reach the person.   
“Oh my god I’m so sorry… Seb. Fuck, I’m such an asshole!” I gasped, as I offered my hand to help him up. He looked up at me, glowering slightly before taking my hand to pull him up. He let go, dusting himself off. His whole outfit was covered in light brown dirt and snowy mush, which stood out brilliantly against the black fabric. His hair was tinted brown too, and dripping wet. I clapped my hands to my mouth to try not to laugh at the sight of him covered in the mix of snow and dirt. I heard a snort from behind me, and saw Shane walking past on his way to Joja Mart. I frowned at him and he turned to leave, but not before I noticed the book in his hand. Void chickens. It had to be a new library book.  
“Amazing.” Seb groaned, his hand running through his now very unstyled hair.   
“I’m SO sorry, dude.” I laughed, reaching over to brush off some snow from his shoulder, “I’m gonna make you late to wherever you were headed!”   
“So you’re making me late to your own farm?” he raised an eyebrow, and I took a step back.   
He was… what?   
“My place? Why?” I asked, shuffling my backpack further up my shoulder and gripping the strap in nerves.   
“I was coming to see if you had… anything else to do out there. I’m pretty bored at home and Mum isn’t doing anything now that winter has hit and you’re not building anything so she’s not giving me any shit to do. I’m… I’m bored.” He shrugged, and I looked him in the eyes to finally see that he was still pretty cut up about whatever was going on in his head. Fuck, the poor guy.   
“Well, you can hardly come over when you’re a nice mix of muddy and snowy. I’m done out there for the day, did you want to go to yours?” I asked, and he gave off a small smile as he nodded that made my heart do a little jump.   
Oh no.   
From past interactions with people, I can only relate the little heart jump with pure fucking heartbreak. That’s not something I’m in for exposing myself to once again.   
But then again, this is Seb.   
I shoved the thought to the side, and realized Seb had said something and was walking away.   
“Fuck, sorry, what?” I mumbled, and he turned around with a small frown.   
“I SAID we could play some Solorian Chronicles OR pop back down, grab a coffee from the Saloon and go sit on the docks near Willy’s shop?” he huffed, and turned back around to keep walking. I made a mental note to listen better. He deserved that at the moment. I did just knock him for six mere days after accidentally confessing to him I kind of liked him when he was feeling like shit.   
WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS A SOLORIAN CHRONICLE?!  
“Uhh… coffee sounds good, Seb.” I said, looking down at the ground as I followed him towards Mountain Road. The winter air was nippier than normal today, and I cursed myself for not bringing my thicker jacket. I shivered along behind Seb as he walked, looking rather intently into every bush. I cocked my head to the side, watching the weird behavior. Whatever was going on with him was really messing with his head. I felt bad for him even more than I already did. I looked out over the path, seeing Demetrius in the distance, digging at something in the ground. He looked up as he heard us coming. Sebastian arched his shoulders up slightly as he saw Demetrius and he slowed his walking down to mumble quietly to me.   
“Rosie, whatever you do, don’t make me talk to him. Please. Just gab about the farm and then we’ll keep going.” He begged me, and the look in his eyes was devastating. Abigail had told me about Demetrius and how much he and Seb didn’t get on, and I was not going to be the one that egged on any mess between them.   
Just talk about the farm.   
Just the farm.   
That’s all.   
Don’t mention why you’re hanging out with his step-kid.   
Don’t talk about his family.   
Just the farm.   
Come on Rosie.   
We reached closer and Demetrius stopped what he was doing to greet the two of us, a grin on his face as he reached to shake my hand.   
“Rosie! Good to see you! Off to get some stuff built by Robin? She’s itching for a project!” Demetrius boomed, and I couldn’t help but smile as I gave his hand a firm shake. He had a deep voice and sweet eyes which almost felt like home. It puzzled me that Seb could be so uncomfortable around this man.   
“Oh… no sorry Dem, I’m accompanying this one while he grabs some fresh clothes. I kinda knocked him off the steps at Pierre’s.” I chuckled, and Sebastian blushed red and shrunk back a little as Demetrius looked at him. The homey look in his eyes faded as he took in his rather soaking wet stepson. I slowly raised my hand to my mouth as I realized I had not actually talked about the farm at all, but rather directed Demetrius’s attention DIRECTLY TO SEBASTIAN. ROSIE. YOU FUCKING IDIOT.   
“Yeah, well he could use the knock around. Might teach him a little about… well, anything but the computer.” He said. The friendly tone was still there, but there was something in his eyes that threw me off. He really didn’t like Seb. Oh dear.   
“Ok well, we better get up to the house before he gets sick! I’ll come find you tomorrow about the cave setup? The fruit bats aren’t dropping as much as they used to.” I frowned, grabbing Seb’s arm to lead him away. Seb pulled away, and walked off ahead of me. I let my hand fall back to my side, and gave Demetrius a quick wave as I took a few backwards steps to begin to follow Seb.   
“For sure, Rosie. See you then.” He said, looking back down to his work. I spun on my heel and sprinted to make up the steps Seb had gotten ahead of me. We kept walking until we were out of earshot of Demetrius. Eventually, Seb turned to look at me. His eyes were dark and gloomy, and he looked defeated.  
“Thanks for ignoring me on that one, Rosie. Appreciate it. I just love being reminded that my stepdad thinks I’m a piece of shit.” he hissed, and turned away again to walk towards the house. I stopped dead in my tracks, taken aback by the turn in his mood. I knew he didn’t want Dem’s attention drawn to him, but surely it wasn’t that bad? I sprinted back up to him as he stormed away. He didn’t turn back to look at me, and he shoved his hands in his pockets angrily.   
“He didn’t talk to you.” I mumbled, huffing a bit as I tried to keep up with him. He snorted, and kept walking, “I’m sorry he said that to you though. It wasn’t my intention to get him to pay attention to you.”   
“Nobody is ever sorry.” He spat, his steps becoming more forceful.   
“I am! I’m genuinely trying to apologize to you. I didn’t know he’d act like that and I didn’t mean for him to turn it on you like that. If you think I did, then you really don’t know me at all.”   
“Oh shut the fuck up, Rosie! You’re trying to make this about yourself. I guess being alone all the time makes you fucking selfish.” he yelled. I felt a flash of heat and I saw red as what he said sunk in. I never did well with negative emotions. It’s a past Rosie issue, but it’s resulted in some very volatile reactions when someone treats me like shit. I grabbed around Sebastian’s arm hard, and yanked him around to look at me, his feet stumbling slightly as they tried to catch up to his upper body. He yelped slightly and tried to pull his arm away from me, but I just gripped tighter, pushing myself into his space.   
“Don’t fucking talk to me like that, Sebastian. I said I was sorry and I understand you’re going through some shit right now and I didn’t think before I spoke back there, but that’s no excuse to be the fucking asshole I’ve been afraid you are this whole time.” His face dropped as I hissed through gritted teeth, afraid of Demetrius hearing even from this far away. I felt my chest heaving under my jacket, and was aware of just how quickly I had warmed up from my anger. I knew I had anger issues but I was used to keeping them under control.   
“Rose.”   
“Don’t interrupt me. Yes, I am fucking lonely. You tend to think more about yourself when you’re the only person giving a shit if you wake up in the morning. Don’t you see that’s why I’m trying to help you?! Why I’m even friends with Abi and Sam?! Because I’m fucking ALONE.”   
“Rose, my ar-“   
“Shut the fuck up, Seb! You have people. You have so many people and you’re letting one person’s negative attention ruin your entire life. I’d say you’re the selfish one, you prick. How dare you call me selfish.”   
“ROSE LET GO OF MY FUCKING ARM.” He growled, and I quickly dropped his arm. His eyes were watering, and he was shivering in the cold. We stood in silence a second, both trying to re-gather our thoughts. I looked at him and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.   
“You think I’m an asshole?” he mumbled, his eyes dropping to the ground.   
Oh fuck.   
“No… that’s not what I meant.” I sighed, rubbing my temples in an attempt to calm down.  
Ok, well then explain what the fuck you meant.” He said, looking at me with the same dark eyes as before. Evidently, I had hurt him.   
Oh Yoba, Rosie, why do you ever open your motherfucking mouth?!   
“Can we talk about this AFTER we get you out of those cold ass wet clothes?!” I exclaimed, as he let out another shiver. Fresh snow was starting to fall and I was concerned about his health.   
“Fine.” He grumbled, turning around and walking away again. I slowly followed him, keeping my distance. I couldn’t help but think I had fucked any chance of us really being friends up. Evidently we both have anger issues we need to work through. We finally reached the clearing which his house resided in, and he barged through the front door, storming off to his room before I could even set a foot in the door. Robin looked up from her desk, smiling as I approached.   
“Hey Rosie! What’s up?” she smiled, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Robin had been so essential to me getting settled in Pelican Town, that the second I was around her I was instantly happy. I shrugged my jacket off and plonked myself down in one of the armchairs on the other side of the office.   
“Just waiting for Seb to get changed so we can go get coffee. He had a bit of a tumble off the stairs at Pierre’s.” I said, and she laughed slightly, but I noticed her hands gave off a little twitch.   
“Oh, he’s so clumsy. Bless his heart.” She chuckled, shutting the book she was reading and walking over to the chair next to mine.   
“It was my fault.” I sighed, pushing my fringe out of my eyes. “I pushed the door hard and he was just walking up the stairs. Hit him for six.”   
“Well, you’re a strong girl. I’m not surprised. Did he end up getting anything from Pierre’s?” Robin asked, and I cocked my head to one side. Why was she asking me this? I looked at her and she seemed sweaty, wide-eyed and nervous. Her hands were still twitching and her eyes looked red and bloodshot.   
“No… we just came back here because he got covered in snow and dirt. Are you ok, Robin? You seem really off all of a sudden.” I asked, and she quickly clasped her hands together and began to wring them, slight tears forming in her eyes.   
“I just… Never mind. It’s probably just me being stupid, but every time he goes to Pierre’s I think he’s finally going to buy a bouquet for someone and they’ll take off to the city and never come back… it just scared me a bit.” She sighed, and my jaw dropped. I quickly clamped it shut, and looked around the room to make sure Seb wasn’t back, and leant in closer to Robin.   
“Really? He doesn’t seem like the person to follow tradition, let alone even have the guts to approach someone like that.” I said, looking down at my own hands, which had begun to shake as everything that had happened in the last hour flew to the front of my mind. Robin said she thought he would buy a bouquet every time he left the house.   
No.   
There’s no way.   
There is no fucking way that on this plane of existence, Seb suddenly wanted to date me.   
She must think it’s someone else.   
I don’t think I could even let her think it.   
“You seem to talk to him everyday. You’re a good friend. Has he mentioned anything to you at all?” Robin asked, pulling me back out of my thoughts.  
“No… not at all, he just kind of lets me vent and just sits there. He’s a real private dude.” I said, “Even if he did, he probably wouldn’t appreciate me being a nark and telling his mum.” Robin chuckled, and got up to go back to her desk. I felt bad for her. It can’t be easy having her husband and son hate each other. I couldn’t even imagine how she keeps it so together all the time. I guess it’s the work.   
Explains why Seb got to her so badly today.   
“ARE YOU COMING DOWN HERE OR WHAT?” I heard Sebastian yell, and it pulled me back out of my own thoughts. I’d almost forgotten he’d gone down to his room, and I had assumed he was going to come back up to the office so we could go get coffee or just not come back up at all, leaving me to walk home alone. Apparently not.   
“Uhh… sure.” I called back, getting up and picking up my jacket. I looked over at Robin quickly, and she looked at me with suspicious eyes. I dropped her glance and moved towards the stairs as fast as I could without running.   
Oh god.   
She for sure thinks that Seb would buy a bouquet for me.  
Oh dear YOBA fuck no.   
I just wanted to sell some wine, so WHY DID TODAY HAVE TO END UP BEING SO FUCKING WEIRD?   
I pushed Seb’s door open, entering his room and immediately face planting onto his bed, letting out a huge groan into his quilt cover. Noticing that his bed smelt like him did not help the situation.   
Why did I have the little heart jump earlier?   
Why did we fight so much?   
WHY DOES ROBIN THINK HE LIKES ME?!  
“Oh God, what interrogation did my mother put you through? It wasn’t about building a new barn right? She knows you aren’t quite at that level yet.” he said, and I rolled onto my back so I could sit up and look at him with quizzical eyes. He knew why I was still there. If I didn’t want to talk about the mess that just happened on the road, I wouldn’t still be sitting here. So why was he acting like nothing had happened?   
“Who’s the girl?” I asked, trying not to let an icy tone slide into my voice. While I was concerned that maybe Sebastian actually had feelings for me and the idea terrified me no end, the idea of him running away with anyone else instilled even more fear in me.   
Oh Yoba. I think that I might actually like him.   
“Huh?” he asked, toweling off the last of his hair. It was then I noticed that he was completely shirtless. Not that I hadn’t seen this before but with such a weird set of revelations going on in my head, half naked Seb was not helping either.   
“Your mother told me that every time you go to Pierre’s, she’s afraid you’re gonna buy a bouquet for someone, and take off to the city. So, who is the girl?” I asked again. He blinked a couple of times, and began to avoid my gaze.  
“T-t-the- the girl is no one. I was planning on buying a cauliflower to throw at a rock, one day.” He stuttered, moving to sit down at his computer.   
Oh no you don’t boy. You don’t get to hide from this.  
“Seb. I’m not THAT new to town anymore. I know everyone here. I’d find out eventually so you may as well tell me.” I grumbled, pushing myself off the bed to walk over to him. He hid himself behind his screen, and I knew better than to go around his side of the computer. Our first disagreement happened my first month in town, and it had been about me looking at his work when it wasn’t completed.   
“Am I not allowed to have something to myself?” he asked, poking his head out from behind the computer to show me his raised eyebrow. I frowned. He was right, of course. Robin and I didn’t need to know everything about his life… but I was still so scared that this whole bouquet nonsense Robin had mentioned was either about me, or not about me. This boy terrified me inside sometimes. He slid back behind his computer and began typing furiously.   
“I mean… you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m also sorry about yelling at you earlier and making the problem about me. Also for grabbing your arm so hard. But I suppose that since nobody is every sorry, I’m just wasting my breath, right?” I cocked my head to the side, and he poked his head back out. He had a frown on his face, and I immediately felt bad for poking in that wound again. But I said we would talk about it, and we’re going to fucking talk about it.   
“I didn’t mean that. Stop picking fights, Rosie.” He said shortly, and he went to slide back behind the computer. Once again, the searing heat and flash of red ran through me. I jumped over to the other side of the desk and pulled his chair away, dragging him over to the other side of the room. I put my arms on either side of his headrest, trapping him to the chair.   
“Then why did you fucking say it?” I hissed, not wanting to let Robin hear us fight. He tried to push the chair away, but I planted my feet firmly into the floor so he couldn’t move. “We’re talking about this.”   
“Why? We both said shitty things. Just let it go.” He mumbled, avoiding looking into my eyes. I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips. He had a point, but I couldn’t let all of this go. He’s one of my only friends and I was sure as shit not ruining that anymore than I may have.   
He’s more than a friend. Maybe. Possibly. I don’t even know.   
“No, I’m not doing that. I’m trying my hardest to make things… right? Perfect, even? I don’t even know. I’m trying really hard to be a good person, and today I missed the mark. A lot.”   
“Rose”   
“I really am sorry about the whole Demetrius thing, and I am sorry about hurting you. But a lot of odd stuff is going on in my head today, and it happens a lot and it won’t ever not happen.” I felt tears well up. I never told anyone how deep and spirally my head got.   
“Rose.” He tried to interrupt me, but I moved one hand to smack it across his mouth, to keep him quiet. His eyes widened, and almost looked like he was about to panic, but I kept my hand there.   
“Let me talk, fuck! I’m just…I’m just always in a state of apologizing to people, and I don’t want to do that anymore than I already have to. I’m an angry person, and it appears you are too and things just…set me off. It doesn’t help that I am SO fucking scared that you are going to wind up being a shitty person too. I’m so scared of you.” I finally collapsed in a pile of tears, letting go of Sebastian’s mouth and sliding onto the floor in front of his chair. I’d always told Sebastian if I was having a bad day on the farm, but he knew nothing about my emotions outside that. Yet, here I was, letting them all out. He sighed, climbing off the chair to join me on the floor.   
“Rose. Please. Just breathe.” He whispered, rubbing my back while I cried. “I think we both have… a lot of things from out pasts which make us tick and we’ll just have to deal with them. You said you were scared of me, and I don’t know what that means but I assure you I am not going to hurt you. Not intentionally.” I sat up properly, wiping my eyes before placing both of my hands on the floor to keep myself upright.   
“Do you mind if we maybe don’t talk about this anymore today? I’m sorry I kept picking fights.” I sniffled, looking over at him sitting cross legged.   
“You’re apologizing again.” He laughed, before ruffling my hair. “Still want coffee?”   
“No thanks… I just kind of want to sit in bed and listen to The Smith Street Band and sob about my existence if you don’t mind.” I said, standing up to make my way out of his room. He quickly climbed up after me, grabbing my arm lightly.   
“You can do that here if you want… I mean, the snow has picked up again and you didn’t bring your thicker jacket. You’d get sick...” He trailed off, looking away towards the window as he let his arm fall. I looked too and sure enough, the snow was falling thick and fast. Fucking weatherman lied to me.   
“Fine. I really hope you own The Smith Street Band now or else this is going to be a huge letdown.” I chuckled, wiping the last of my tears from my eyes. He walked towards his bed, pulling down the covers and moving his pillows around. He climbed in, gesturing for me to join him as he pulled his cd case down from the shelf next to his bed. I smiled at him, and I felt a bit of heat crawl to my cheeks. I prayed that it wasn’t showing on my face as I walked over to the bed and climbed under the covers. I propped myself up against his bedhead, watching him flick through his CD case with a small smile on his face. As if he’s actually going to own the album.   
“Here we are! One copy of More Scared Of You Than You Are of Me coming right up.” He exclaimed, popping it into the CD player and closing the lid. My jaw dropped and I had to clamp my mouth shut again before he looked at me.   
“I have to say, I am impressed. I don’t know anyone else in the country that owns that album. Nice.” I clapped lightly, giving him a nod of approval.   
“Whiny Australians are a niche market. A niche market I am unashamedly a part of.” He laughed, resting his head against the backboard and letting his eyes slide shut as Forrest began to play.   
“Hey! Wagner is a genius. Don’t be fucking rude.” I growled, pushing his arm lightly. He turned his head to look at me, a fake pout on his face. Fuck, that’s cute.   
“Not denying that, Rosiekins. Shine is a work of art.” He said, sealing the statement with a nod as he returned to his position with his eyes shut, humming lightly under his breath.   
“Ok but, Passiona. Can we put it on?” I asked, and he nodded, pushing himself up to hit the next button four times. I looked at him as he moved to lie back against the headrest, a small smile creeping onto my face. He laughed lightly, looking me up and down.   
“What?”   
“Nothing… just happy that you are so good to me, even after I treated you so badly today.” I said, shrugging slightly. He let out a little snort, and opened his arms.   
Uhh.  
What.   
I’m not ashamed to admit that when he stayed the night at mine, it did lead to us waking up pretty cuddled together. I hadn’t even noticed it happen, and he didn’t say anything about it the whole time. Was this Seb directly asking me to cuddle with him and listen to The Smith Street Band? I’d only dreamt about doing that with literally anyone for months now. Naturally, I obliged. My head was swirling with everything that had happened in the hours before as I shuffled over and worked my way into his side, worming my head onto his chest. His arms closed in around me and I felt my eyes flutter shut as the warmth of his body and the music wrapped around me, slowing down the music and letting me breathe properly for the first time since I knocked him off the stairs.   
“Rosie.”   
“Mmm?”   
“Thanks for putting up with my shit today. You’re a better person than I think you realize.”   
Oh boy. If only you knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well sorry this took a sec but work got hectic as hell. Chapter 4 shouldnt be too long!


	4. Home Is...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's not a place but a person who feels like home."

_Everyone seems to look at Marnie and see the crazy animal lady with a crush on Mayor Lewis. I don’t know how they don’t see her for who she truly is. A saint with the patience of one hundred people._ _I could never handle the amount of shit Shane must put her and Jas through. I know family is meant to be everything but I cannot even FATHOM how she does it. I would have just left him to rot by now.  
Better yet, I would have realized what damage I was potentially doing to my Aunty and godchild and would have fucked off out of there faster than the speed of sound. _

_But would that make me a bad person? I mean, I’ve left people for less. Much less. Not that its really easy to leave anyone in such a small town._

_Shane annoys me. I can understand being a grumpy ass fuck working 9-5 at a soul sucking corporation but I can’t understand how he can be… this. It makes me angry, having to sit in the bar knowing that Shane is probably on his 16 th drink of the night and that he’ll eventually go home and pass out cold. I know it breaks Jas’s heart._   
_Rosie came to me one night worried about the poor girl. She had been visiting Shane to drop off some food and he was passed out. Rosie woke him up and, being how she is, helped Marnie confront him about where his future seems to be going. He hit back by saying he hoped he wouldn’t be around that long, and Jas left crying. She’d been hiding in the room waiting for Shane to wake up. Marnie stayed and reamed him out while Rosie ran after Jas to calm her down._   
_“She’s seen so much for a little kid, Seb” Rosie had said, her voice quivering as she held back tears,“she doesn’t deserve that.”_

_Rosie is right. Jas really doesn’t. How do we even know that the poor kid won’t end up like him?_

_But Marnie, that one is a saint. I really hope Jas ends up like her._

_However, I can see why he maybe doesn't want to go. Probably the same reason I didn't leave the Valley when I had the chance. You get used to the people around you. They're comfort... they're home. I've only got one thing that feels like home, and she has no idea she makes me feel this way. Your house could feel entirely too empty, but as long as people are in it, it feels like home._

_Maybe, just maybe, Marnie and Jas are Shane's home._

 


	5. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stay and play that Blink-182 song that we beat to death in Tucson, okay?"

_Winter Day 16, Year 1  
A letter to myself:_

_Dear Sebastian,_  
_WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?_  
 _It has been ten days since your diary went missing, and you STILL haven’t found it because you have been too busy hanging out with fucking Rosie._  
 _Ever since the “Smith Street Band and hugs” night, you’ve spent every day with her. You stupidly infatuated ass is going to get yourself in trouble, especially if that book isn’t found soon._

_I understand it’s been nice having Rosie around, and that after your little fight you’ve been closer to her than ever. She’s great._

_But right now, your mother could be reading about your gorgeous past sex life with Abigail._

_Demetrius could be reading every single bad thing you have ever written about him._

_Rosie could be reading about… Rosie._

_So get off your ass, spend one day alone, and FIND THAT STUPID BOOK._  
  
Never mind, Rosie just texted asking for help with fucking cheese.

_Love,_

_Sebastian._

I stood in my basement, holding my head up with one hand while I let the other one tap out the beat to the song I had playing in the background onto one of the wood barrels soon to be filled with cheese. I knew the walk down from Mountain Road was a long one, but an hour? Really? I huffed, pushing myself back off the barrel. I opened up my sale containers and began to load the cheese in myself, grumbling under my breath.  
“The one day I actually need you here and you’re magically not around. Amazing” I sighed, clamping shut the first of forty-six containers with force.  
“What was that?” I heard a voice from the door and I threw the container out of my hands as I jumped in fright, a small squeak slipping out of my mouth. I spun around as the container clattered to the floor. Sebastian was standing in the doorway, his arms crossed and one eyebrow raised in amusement. I felt my heart do the little jump it did out the front of Pierre’s as blood rushed to my cheeks in a mix of embarrassment and excitement to see him, and I cursed myself out as I tried to push the feeling back down.  
Stop it, Rosie. There is no way, and you know it.  
“Seb, fuck… you snuck up on me.” I laughed, and he pushed himself off the wall to walk over to me. Something about him today was unusual, but not the same unusual that he had been at the bar. It was… a confidence that radiated off him. I’d never felt it from him before. Was that happiness?  
“You know what they say, speak of the devil and he shall appear. I hope you didn’t have to wait too long for me.” He said, gripping me into a hug. This has become more routine for us, and honestly, it was really nice. I closed my eyes as I was up against his chest, and took in a deep breath to sigh out.  
Fuck, he smells really good.  
Is… is he wearing cologne? Did he always smell like that?  
I pushed back against him so he would let go, and I looked him up and down with my arms crossed.  
“I didn’t have to wait long at all. Unless you call the extra hour it seemed to take for you to walk down here ‘not long at all’.” I pouted, and he laughed, pulling a container out from his pocket and placing it on the cheese barrel. Steam poured off it into the cold air.  
“I stopped by Pierre’s and bought you some soup.” He smiled, it’s fucking cold today, Rosie.”  
“That’s… that really nice. Thanks, Seb. We can eat some after we do this cheese. Pierre is expecting me by two for the lot already done and ready to go and I have to fill twenty barrels with new stuff to age. Six barrels. So lets get to work, yeah?” I smirked, and he nodded, taking off his jacket and rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. He walked past me to get some containers, and that is when I noticed his outfit.  
He’s wearing his V-neck long sleeve.  
Not long after I moved here, I got very drunk at the Saloon, and he had been wearing that shirt. From what I was told a day later by Sam, I had been very complimentary on that shirt, and I can totally see why. It makes him look really hot. The rolled up sleeves made it even better.  
Oh boy I’m in so much trouble.  
He walked over to his own barrel, containers in hand, reaching in and pulling out a huge chunk of goat’s cheese.  
“Why does this stuff look so disgusting but taste so good?” he asked, holding out the lump of cheese. I screwed up my nose, and fake retched. He let out a snort, and placed the cheese into his container, “one container down, and six to go for this barrel, right?”  
“It’s so unattractive. Yes, seven containers to a barrel.” I nodded, and turned back to my own, dipping my hands right into the messy liquid and cheese mix next to me, to load the new stuff into the barrel that Seb was emptying. We worked in silence for a bit, the music from the speaker providing small comfort and making the work feel less arduous. We moved swiftly through the barrels, and what I thought would take us a few hours took less than forty-five minutes. I sealed the last barrel shut and I looked up at Seb, who was piling the containers onto a trolley, his back to me.  
I was curious about the way this man moved. He didn’t seem to move in solid blocks, but almost like a liquid. He flowed from movement to movement, almost completely in sync with the music. He let out small hums as he worked, and it was almost calming to see him in his own little space. I climbed up onto one of the barrels, and sat cross-legged, just watching him work. Time stopped moving, but he kept going. I’m not sure how long I stared at him, but it had eventually turned into me just staring into the space around him as he moved through it. I could watch him work all day.  
“Enjoying the view?” he smirked as he moved the last container over, and I whipped myself out of my daydream as my cheeks flared. I had been, but I can’t just tell him that, right?  
“It’s your magic v neck.” I shrugged, climbing off the barrel and walking towards the speaker as he laughed.  
“Ah, yes. I forgot how fond you were of this shirt. Makes me look like a pop punk god, if I remember it correctly?”  
“Well, I mean… I’m not wrong.” I mumbled as I picked the speaker up from the barrel. I loaded it into my bag so I could push the trolley up the ramp next to the stairs, and walked back over to Sebastian.  
“What was that?” He smiled as I walked over, and reached to grab one side of the trolley to help.  
“Nothing, Seb. Nothing at all.” I laughed, as we pushed the trolley around and up to the ramp. His arm brushed mine as we pushed up the ramp, and I was very aware of how warm he felt next to me. I felt the heat flare through my cheeks again, and I felt a feeling I hadn’t had in a long time.  
Pure, straight up lust.  
Like, I could just reach over and pull him to me.  
Just drop the trolley.  
Kiss him.  
My bedroom wasn’t far away.  
I shook my head to push the feeling out, like it was a fly annoying me, and pushed harder on the trolley.  
“You have been quieter than normal today, Rose.” He stated, and I looked over to him as we reached the top of the ramp. My heart did the small jump again when he used my real name, and I once again tried to shut it down. He flicked his eyes up and down my body, and I wondered if maybe I was still covered in cheese.  
“Just… thinking about…some stuff. Life is still just very different from the city. I keep forgetting about things that were just… a given in a place with so many people.” I sighed, turning back around to shove the trolley out the door. Seb grabbed my arm and pulled me off the trolley, making me stand in front of him.  
“Is that really it?” he asked, with earnest eyes. I looked up at him, and shrugged. It’s not like I could tell him what I had just been thinking about anyway.  
“Well… yeah. I can’t think of anything else that may be bothering me. I did scratch my arm in the mines last night. That’s not that bad though.” I smiled, turning back to the trolley. He let out a small huff, a mix of annoyance and relief as I pushed it out the front door and down the ramp. The tires were slippery on the ice, but I made it down to my produce box easily. I looked back to see Seb leaning against my balcony railing, looking out over my lake, a lit cigarette in hand. He had one hand holding up his head, and the other absentmindedly lifting the cigarette to his mouth, much like how I had been sat this morning. I smiled a small smile to myself, and turned back to push the trolley again.  
“Rose… you’re going to kill yourself trying to get that trolley to Pierre’s, especially on those downhill’s. Lewis does the pickup service out here, right?”  
“Yeah he does. It’s here.” I said, tapping on the wooden box next to me. He pushed off the railing, stubbing his smoke out and walking over to me with a smile on his face, the snow crunching under his boots. He hadn’t put his jacket back on, and he was shivering slightly. He walked over to the cheese, and started loading it in without even a word. “What do you think you’re doing?”  
“It’s cold. There is soup, alcohol and a fire inside, as well as a music collection I never finished going through. So, you know, I vote for letting Lewis do your heavy lifting for ONE day and sitting inside with me instead.” He said simply, stacking more containers into the box. I felt heat rise to my cheeks once more as my mind flicked to the other things I could do with him inside.  
“You, my friend, make a very good point.” I laughed, joining him in lifting the cheese into the box, “I could whip out one of the wines I’ve recently finished aging if you want?”  
He put down the last container of cheese and turned to face me, a small smile creeping onto his face as he lightly grabbed my arm.  
“I’d like that.”

 

“Ok, ok, ok, ok so what you’re saying is you found Lewis’s undies in Marnie’s room?” Sebastian choked out between laughs, tears streaming down his face. I laughed too, the whole world spinning slightly from the lack of oxygen and alcohol. We were sat across from each other on my lounge room rug, two bottles of wine deep and full of soup. Everything was warm, happy and soft, and the music playing in the background just completed the scene.  
“I sure did, dude!” I exclaimed, and he laughed harder, his breath wheezing through where it could find an escape. His cheeks were bright red with merriment. He calmed down enough to take another long drink of wine, while I refilled my own glass. My grandfather clock rang out that it was now midnight, and I groaned inwardly. My emotions always ran high when I drank.  
“What’s up, Rosiekins?” he asked, a small hiccup finding its way out of his throat as small tears began to well up in my eyes, “did Lewis’s undies smell that bad?”  
I chuckled at that comment, before my face dropped again.  
“Nah… it’s stupid, but... fairytales usually end at midnight.” I sighed, wiping the little tears out of my eyes. His eyebrows furrowed, and he moved to sit closer to me, one arm reaching around my shoulders to rub my arm. I was once again very aware of how warm he was, and it sent a small shiver through me  
“W-w-what does that mean?” he slurred, putting his head on my shoulder. I instinctively moved my hand to his thigh, cuddling in closer to his side. I looked over at the fire, getting lost in the flames as they crackled.  
“I’m sitting here, on my own farm, drunk as a skunk, full of good ass soup, listening to good ass music, with a really good person? Sounds too good to be true.”  
“Compared to what, exa-a-actly?” he asked, and I pushed off him slightly so I could look in his eyes.  
“Well, exactly a year ago I was in my cold ass ap-p-artment in the middle of the city, with no-one, eating ramen and sitting in silence while I swiped on Tind-der looking for someone to sleep with. I was so… alone. I’m still pretty alone, but you make it a lot easier.” I smiled, wiping away more of the tears. I put my hand back to the floor, looking back to the fire. It wasn’t long before he had moved back to my side, putting his hand on top of mine. I felt heat once more rise to my cheeks, and I let a huge grin spread over my face. I looked down at our hands, and he let out a small laugh.  
“If it makes you feel any better, this is the most fun I have ever had in Pelican Town. Seriously.” He sighed, running his thumb over my knuckles, “you’re a good person, Rose. I know you don’t believe that, but you are. You’re someone’s reason to get out of bed in the morning, I’ll tell you that right now.”  
"Hardly. I’m not even my own reason to get out of bed.” I laughed.  
“Why do you, then?”  
“Huh?” I asked, looking back over to him.  
“Why do you get out of bed in the morning?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. I gulped a little, trying to think quickly so that I didn’t say anything stupid.  
You.  
“The farm, I guess?” I shrugged slightly, and he let go of my hand. He shifted around until he was sitting in front of me, blocking my view of the fire. All I could see was him, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol or my own feelings.  
“Hmm… you’re not ly-y-ing, but you’re not t-t-telling the whole truth either…”he trailed off, his light demeanor slipping slightly, “how long has it been since you kissed someone?” he asked, and I let out a small choke. It had been more than a year for sure. I never kissed anyone I hooked up with, but like hell I was going to tell him that.  
“Can I get back to you on that one? I have about six more drinks to have before that becomes unclassified information.” I said, hoping my eyes would tell him to not push it any further.  
They didn’t.  
“Rose. Please. You can trust me.” he said, reaching for my hand again. I gulped, wondering what to say next. “No matter wh-hat you say, it stays with me.”  
I looked into his eyes, and I saw every single moment we had ever had together, and how the last two weeks had completely turned everything around.  
I suddenly felt brave, bold, and somehow more nervous than I had felt in my entire life.  
I reached my other hand out to his face, cradling his jaw and running my thumb over his cheek. He flinched slightly at my touch, but then melted into it. A smile spread across his cheeks.  
“I honestly can’t remember… all I can seem to think about right now is how much I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day I met you.” I said, and he pulled away from me, a look of shock coming over his face.  
Great, Rosie. You fucked it up royally. Claps all round.  
I curled my knees up to my stomach and wrapped my arms around them, and put my head down. I felt the dark feelings start to crawl back in. I was about to go right back to being alone. Tears prickled at my eyes.  
“Same.” He said, and I whipped my head back up. He had a massive smile on his face.  
“But… you looked so… scared.” I said, feeling a sob make its way through my body. He once again crawled back over to me, wrapping his arms around me.  
“Yo-u-u really are an emotional drunk, huh?” he laughed, placing a small kiss on my hair. We sat there a while, him cradling me while I let go of a few more small sobs. The music filled the silence, a small piano intro starting before a pop song started playing. I began to hum along, and Sebastian let go of me so he could see my face, a look of almost disgust coming across his face.  
“What… what did I do now?” I asked, and he let out a huge laugh.  
“Is this The Chainsmokers?” he choked through his laughter. I forced myself to pay attention to the song, only to realize that yes, it was very much The Chainsmokers.  
“Yes.” I stated simply, and he continued laughing, “what’s so fucking funny about that?”  
He continued laughing, and I got up in a huff, unsure of what I had done to illicit this response. I picked up our soup bowls and wine glasses and made my way to the kitchen, the world wobbling as I walked. I was still very intoxicated.  
“Rosie, I’m not laughing at you… I just never picked you to listen to them!” Seb cried out from the lounge room. I snorted at him, and continued to hum along as I washed up our dishes the best I could as the world spun around me. So much was happening…  
"Pull those sheets right off the corner of the mattress that you stole from your room mate back in Boulder, we isn’t ever getting older…” I sung under my breath as I dried my hands and shakily made my way back towards the lounge room. Seb had stood up, but was struggling to stay upright.  
“Rosie… it’s time for bed” he mumbled, and I nodded. He went to walk towards the front door and I moved myself in front of him. I was now also very aware of how close I was to him. He was right there.  
Just do it, Rosie.  
"You can’t walk home… like this. You’re too drunk and it’s too cold.” I stated, not even sure if the words did come out of my mouth. He grinned a huge grin, and pulled me even closer to him. I felt my breath hitch as he pulled me in, unsure of what to think. I let myself melt into the hug, holding him tightly as if he was smoke I would lose if I let go.  
“You’re right. So… do you need to have a twenty minute self debate about what to do with me or are we sharing the bed?” he asked, his voice vibrating through his chest and overtaking my entire being.  
“I think… I think you’re right to share the bed…” I smiled, feeling myself start to drift off against his chest. I was also a sleepy drunk.  
“Well… let’s go.” He said, moving so he was almost carrying me towards the bedroom. We stumbled across the house, laughing as we went. I opened the bedroom door and basically flopped onto the bed, smiling into the sheets.  
“Seb! Can you take my shoes off? I’m not sure I understand shoelaces right now.” I giggled, as he looked at me from the doorway. He didn’t make any moves to help me.  
“No man… I can’t bend over or I’ll fall over.” He exclaimed, and I chortled, rolling over onto my back, pouting.  
“Pleaseeeeeee” I whined, and he just laughed again, staying right in the doorway, crossing his arms.  
“You are something else, Rose. I’m not sure what, but something.” He grinned, and I felt the heat once again rise up into my cheeks and the sheer confidence of earlier spring boarded myself up off the bed and over to him. The music had stopped, and all I could hear was the small flicker of the fire and our breathing. I pushed myself up against him, felt myself stand up onto my tiptoes. I heard the rustle of my shirt as he grabbed my hips, felt the warmth of his neck as I threw my arms around it. I rested my forehead against his, looking into his eyes.  
“Are we making a mistake?” I whispered, and he grunted a small sound of disapproval.  
“I fucking hope not.” He said, and he closed the distance between us as I quickly shut my eyes. It was only a small kiss, but somehow the whole world felt like it had stopped. The feeling of his windburnt lips were rough on mine, but I hardly noticed or cared. I felt his hands tighten on my hips as I deepened the kiss, melting into his as if it was nothing. I let go of around his neck to push out of the kiss, looking into his eyes again. He had the same small smile on his face, but now it seemed even more glowing.  
“Let’s go to bed.” I smiled, and he nodded, letting go of me so we could climb into bed. I got myself dressed and climbed in as he struggled to stay awake. Almost immediately, Seb had his arms around me, and I was almost asleep. I drifted off quietly, but not without the thought that fairytales always end at midnight eating away at my now sobering brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that I've made a Spotify playlist to go along with the story! All the songs are in order up until the latest chapter and then anything else is just a soundboard for my work from here on in!  
> Hit it up: https://open.spotify.com/user/1247786984/playlist/7BTss6E9iK3iUiqwLqbgH1


	6. In Friends We Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friendship never ends if you trust in your tribe.

_Sammy, when I die, I’m leaving you this diary entry. You’re the best person I will ever know._  
_Everything we have been through both in our own lives, and together, has lead to what could only be one of the most meaningful things I have ever been given._

 _If you have ever felt unappreciated by me, or like I am a bad friend, I can do nothing but apologise. I love you, man. So much._  
_I mean, people seem to think in small towns, the youth become friends out of necessity. To an extent, they're right. Would I have been as friendly with anyone in the town if I had other people to hang around? Probably not. But you were something different._

 _The day you moved to town with your mother changed Pelican Town for me. I was waiting out the front of the museum for class, Abigail trailing her fingers in the dirt next to me. Emily and Leah stood a bit further away. They were quite a few years older than us, and they thought we were just annoying children. Maru, while young, was extremely smart. She sat next to Abigail, reading a picture book she had snuck from the house. Penny was hanging upside down in a tree, sticking her tongue out at Abigail._  
_The thing with Pelican Town is you could hear a car or the bus coming a mile away, before Rosie fixed the farm up. So, imagine two 9 year olds hearing the rumble of the bus towards the little house that had just been built on Willow Road. Abi and I ran full tilt towards the sound of the bus, with Maru not too far behind._  
_Man...I just remember you getting off the bus. I hid myself behind Abigail; worried that whoever was getting off the bus would not like me_  
_“Hi … I'm Sam!" you had exclaimed, running straight up to us with happy eyes. Abi looked you up and down, before reaching to shake your hand._  
_“I'm Abigail, this is Sebastian. He's an idiot. Maru is the slow runner back there. ” She laughed, stepping aside so I was no longer behind her. Maru finally toddled up, pouting, annoyed we had left her behind._  
_“Yeah…that's me. ” I smiled shyly. You laughed, and started walking towards the house with a skip in your step. Abi followed him, and I stayed put until your mother got off the bus, waving at Pam to let her know she was off._  
_“Hello there! I'm Jodi.” She smiled. A warm aura radiated from her, something I'd only ever felt from my own mother. Her long reddish hair was pulled back, and she looked both hesitant and excited as her son run off with the young (Side note: your mother is great. Just so great. More on that later.)_  
_“’M Sebastian.” I mumbled, looking down at my feet,“Sam is gonna go to school with me and Abi.”_  
_“Oh! Brilliant! We are a bit behind on schedule so if school has started you’re more than welcome to grab him and go. He’d just get under my feet while I unpacked, anyway.” She said, ushering me towards the door. I walked up to you and Abigail, tapping Abi on the shoulder._  
_“We should go to class. Lewis would be waiting for us.” I said, before looking over at you, “Your mum said to come with us so she doesn’t tread on you.”  
_ _You looked at me puzzled, before calling out to Jodi with genuine worry in your voice.  
_ _“MUM, WHY ARE YOU GOING TO TREAD ON ME?!”  
_ _Abigail snorted, before doubling over in laughter. Jodi rolled her eyes, hoisting her handbag further up her arm._  
_“Go to school, Sammy. Be good!”_

_As time went on, it became less and less “Seb and Abi with Sam too” and more “Seb and Sam: The Dynamic Duo”. We were very different kids, but something on that core level just clicked, and we got on like a house on fire. Every little tumble down the hill, every “last cigarette”, every bit of teen angst, every single time I’ve said I wanted to leave this town and never look back… it was all with you. Everything I have ever done, you have been right there. I will even admit, at one point I thought you might be my soul mate. Just… how well we got along… everything was (and still is) so natural for us. I don’t think you even know how much I care about you and how much I just want you to be fucking happy. You are without a doubt the most important person in Pelican Town, and if you leave with Penny like I hope you do one day, I will be so proud of you for doing what I probably will never have the strength to do._

_Just don’t forget about me._


	7. You're Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're alright love, you're alright.

_Winter Day 18, Year 1_   
_Oh dear Yoba, Sebastian. You fucking kissed Rosie. You actually DID THAT._   
_I haven’t spoken to her since I woke up and left that day. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, knowing that her being drunk and kissing me didn’t mean she cared. I mean most people do that, right? I know Abigail did, eventually. I was just there to her._   
_But, I’m so scared to talk to her again. I don’t know how she’s going to feel. I can bet she doesn’t actually have any want or need to fuck me, let alone maybe become more than whatever has developed over the last few weeks._   
_SEE._   
_THAT RIGHT THERE._   
_I had no want or need to pursue an actual relationship with anybody until I actually spent time with this girl. Not after everything with Abigail. I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this? Why I want this girl in my life? She wants the exact opposite things to me. She wants to stay away from the city and live out her days making an honest living with her own two hands in the dirt. I want to leave and start my own programming business in the city. Long terms goals come into play and suddenly we are a lot less compatible. Basically not compatible at all. But, when we kissed I felt so many different emotions. It sent me around the feels world and back, but one stood out. Utter fucking elation. It felt so REAL. Rosie felt real. I felt real._   
_God, I hope we can work this all out._

  
I struggled up off the stool and put the pail back in its rack, turning back to all of my cows as I took in a deep breath to stop the world from spinning. Pidge and Kalternecker ran up to me, eager for pats. Keith and Lance stayed over near the hay eating lazily, occasionally flicking their tails at me. I definitely did not regret naming my cows after characters from Voltron, but sometimes the questions about why I watch a kid’s show got annoying. Vincent got it, though. His favourite is Hunk, and quite often he will get Sam to bring him over so he can feed Hunk some carrots.   
“You’re all just so pure.” I sighed, scratching behind Pidge’s ear. She pushed her head harder into my hand, enjoying herself way too much. Her pushes threw me a little off balance, so I pulled my hand away to keep myself upright. She let out a little moo, and wandered over to Hunk and Shay, who were annoying Zarkon the pig in the corner. It’s amazing how dog-like cows actually were. It kept me entertained many an afternoon that I didn’t want to spend at the Saloon, in the mines, or at Sebastian’s house.   
Right, him. My head pounded and stomach turned as he came back into my head, only adding to the woozy feeling I already had. Naturally, due to me being who I am as a person, I hadn’t messaged him since he left the other day.   
I couldn’t.   
I wandered off out of the barn, blowing the cows a little kiss as I shut the door. It was just coming onto sunrise, and the farm was bathed in a dark orange glow that gave the snow a sickly look as it sat on the ground. I was sick of winter, I missed growing crops and letting the cows roam free. Everything was easier in spring, including my own feelings. I let out a deep breath, and walked back towards the house to make breakfast, turning on the stereo and frying up one lonely egg next to some coffee. I hadn’t felt like eating since Seb had left, but I was sure that was because I was extremely hung over yesterday. I knew, however, that my Grandpa would have ripped me a new one if he had found out I had been farming on an empty stomach. I sat in silence, listening to the music play and sipping my coffee slightly. I had a rare day of no harvesting or selling to do, but I was way too anxious and unwell to go into the mines or foraging alone.  
“You could just ask Sebastian to come with you…” I muttered to myself, a small little sigh following as I noted that it was a dumb decision to do that. He could make the first move towards telling me this was all ok. I stood up to wash my plate, a wave of dizziness coming over me. The plate fell from my hands and clattered to the floor, and I praised Yoba that I knew myself well enough to buy plastic plates. I gripped onto the back of my chair, bracing my teeth and focusing on my breathing. The dizziness went away, and I carefully walked over to the bedroom. Having a little extra sleep wouldn’t hurt me. My body eagerly agreed to this, as another wave of dizziness hit me and I smacked the ground hard. My head hit the floor with a crack and suddenly everything was blank.

I groggily opened my eyes, the bright lights making my head pound once again. I quickly shut them, letting out a small groan.   
“She’s coming around.” Someone muttered, and my heart began to race as I realized I was very much not on the floor in my lounge room anymore. I felt under my hands, and noted I was in a bed. Not my bed, however. I took a deep breath in to try and calm down, and the scent of the pillow I was laying on whacked me in the face. Sebastian. My eyes flew open and I sat up fast, only for me to see two very disappointed people staring at me. Harvey had his arms crossed, his tweed jumper rolled up at the sleeves. Sebastian had a hand on his hip, and a half smoked cigarette dangling from his mouth. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he looked angry.   
“So… want to explain why you’re severely dehydrated and well on your way to malnutrition?” Sebastian asked, disappointment dripping from his voice. I shrunk back a little, hearing his words harsher than he probably meant. Harvey stuck his hand out to put against Seb’s chest, a sign to back down.   
“He’s being a bit harsh, but he’s got a point. Rosie… are you taking care of yourself?” He asked. I felt a few pangs in my heart. So much I’ve kept hidden was probably about to come forward. Well, maybe it already did. I don’t know how I got here, and what those two may have spoken about before I came to. I hoped that Harvey was a firm believer in patient confidentiality.   
“Of course, Harvey. No severe relapse in months.” I muttered, and Sebastian’s jaw flung open. He clamped it shut quickly, trying to gather some level of composure.   
“Are you sure? Because this matches the start of your past breakdowns to a T.” Harvey stated, and Sebastian looked like he lost all colour from his face. I felt anger well up in my chest, and a few tears roll out of my eyes.   
“I will be just fine. Can I go now?” I asked, going to get up, only for Sebastian to push me lightly on the shoulder to sit back down. I grumbled, swatting his hand away and crossing my arms I felt a searing pain in the crook of my arm, and looked down to see an IV needle in my arm.   
“Not until this IV is done. Seb is going to make sure you stay here.” He smiled, “After that, you’re to be escorted to my office for a real checkup.”   
Fuck.   
“I’ll make sure she stays put.” Sebastian said, chewing on his bottom lip in worry, “she has some explaining to do anyway.”  
“She doesn’t owe you an explanation, Seb. Just look after her.” Harvey muttered as he packed up his stuff. He walked towards the door, giving Seb a quick nod before closing the door. Seb immediately rounded on me, sitting at the bottom of the bed. I rolled away from him, hiding my face in the pillow as best as I could.  
“So… want to tell me what the hell this is all about?” he asked.   
“No.” I groaned into the pillow, “I’m really ashamed by it, so just let it go.”   
“Harvey asked me to ask you how much you may have eaten recently? Can you journal it for me?”   
“No, Seb.” I rolled out of the pillow, sitting back up to look at him. He looked so worried. He looked cute when he worried.   
“Why not?” he asked, softly placing a hand on my leg.   
“BECAUSE I DON’T REMEMBER, OK? I DON’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I ATE MORE THAN A FUCKING EGG OR SOUP.” I snapped, yelling at the top of my lungs, as if yelling louder would make him leave me alone, “That’s all I can stomach anymore. It all makes me feel sick, and gross. All the worry makes me feel sick and gross. All of the thoughts in my head keep swirling and they make me feel sick and honestly, lately they’ve gotten worse.”   
“Rose… damn. Why aren’t you talking to anyone about this?” he asked, and I snorted. He frowned at me, moving his hand off my leg to cross his arms   
“I AM. I got to Harvey almost weekly, but he isn’t a damn psychiatrist. He’s got no idea what this is. His solution is to put me back on medication, which is a hard fucking no from me. That’s what got me into this mess.”  
“I’m so sorry, Rose.” He muttered, and once again my heart jumped. I cocked my head to the side, looking at him with curiosity.  
“What are you sorry for?”   
“I should have noticed the night where you talked to yourself for 20 minutes about me and everything. That was a textbook spiral if I ever saw one, and I doubt anything that has happened between us since has helped.”   
“What do you mean by ‘things that have happened between us’?” I asked, throwing up air quotations.   
“Well… for starters, we’ve grown quite close lately. I’m sure you noticed, and the others definitely have. Ever since the night I walked you home from the Saloon.”   
“Go on.”  
“That big fight we had? Ended in us cuddled up listening to music. I began helping you on the farm. Rosie, I don’t just hang out with people. They scare me. I’ve grown used to Sam and Abi, but you are something different. I like being around you,” He sighed, “and in liking being around you, I’ve ignored you as a physical person. I should have noticed you weren’t doing well. You noticed when I wasn’t.” he finished, placing his head in his hands. I scooted forward, rubbing his back.   
“You don’t have to notice I’m not doing ok. Nobody does. That’s on me. I’ve been ignoring myself in order to get the farm done and balance a social life and that was dangerous and not ok.” I said, reinforcing it to myself more than stating it to him.   
“I should have been helping you more.” He mumbled from between his hands, and I felt a smile creep onto my face.   
"Seb, you’re the only person in town who even comes to the farm past the mailbox. You’re the most help I’ve ever gotten.” I smiled, and he sat back up, looking at me with wide eyes.   
Fuck… I want to kiss him again.  
“Really?” he asked, a small little smile appearing on his face.  
“Really, really.” I laughed, and he frowned at the mention of Shrek. He got up, walking over to his cd player, flicking through the folder of cd’s again.   
“Any requests?”   
“You got Bry?” I asked, and he shook his head, “Damn. He toured with Twenty One Pilots. He’s really good.”   
“That’s a shame, then.” He mumbled, and came to sit back down. I thought for a second, and then realized what I had to do.   
“Come up here.” I said, opening my arms, “Just watch the IV.” He grinned his little goofy grin, and shuffled up the bed. He placed his head on my shoulder, and I wriggled in closer to him and closed my eyes. This felt… entirely ok. “  
So… about the other night?” Seb asked, and I turned to look him in the eyes, “you asked if we were making a mistake… before we kissed.”   
“I did, yes. Every other person I have ever kissed has been a mistake.” I sighed, and he nuzzled his head into my shoulder, placing a small kiss on it. My heart skipped a beat, and I let out a little chuckle   
“I don’t want to be a mistake.” He mumbled, a small hint of sadness coming through in his voice. I shuffled so that I could look at him properly.   
“You are not a mistake. I know this, I feel it. No matter what else makes you think you might be. You are not a mistake to me.” I stated. He didn’t respond, but leant in closer to me. I could feel his breath against my collarbone, and it tickled.   
“But… I want to leave. You want to stay. That in itself makes this a risk.” I lifted his head up a little.   
“Currently, that is a risk I’m willing to take.” I smiled and leant in, placing a small kiss on his lips, “Besides, its not like long distance relationships aren’t a thing.”   
“Relationship?” he asked, placing a small kiss on my collarbone.   
“If… if it ever comes to that.” I quickly backtracked. I looked up to the IV, and I saw the bag was empty, ‘I’d better go down to Harvey’s.”  
“He said I have to escort you.”   
“Sebby, I’m sure I will survive. You stay here, ok?” I murmured, reaching to pull the IV out. I hated how many times I had seen this done, because I knew exactly what to do. One swift removal later, and I was on my feet and at Seb’s door. He got up and walked over to me, pushing me up against the door.   
“You be careful, yeah?” he frowned, before leaning in for one more kiss. I pushed into it, and felt Seb’s hands move to my hips. I pulled away, opening the door and going to walk away.   
“Of course, Seb. I’ll let you know when I get home, ok?” I said as I turned around. I was met, however, with a teary eyed Abigail.   
“Hey, Abi are you ok?”   
“No, and I suggest you get the fuck out of my way, Rosie.” She stated with such coldness that I felt shivers down my spine. I quickly shuffled off, looking back at Seb who looked confused and a little sick. I shrugged it off, thinking maybe Abigail had bad days like mine too, and walked out the front door, giving a quick wave to Robin and Maru as I left. It was only as I walked down the driveway that I heard Abigail’s voice rise, so I snuck around the side of the house to listen. I crouched down near the small window Seb had, and listened intently.   
“I never meant for anybody to read those.” Seb groaned, and I heard the creak of his bed as he sat down.   
“Evidently.” Abigail snorted. I heard the rustling of paper and Abigail clearing her throat as she went to read whatever was on it, “Abi has provided me with a release I needed, even if she wasn’t considering carrying it forward. She’s getting what she needs, and I’m getting… laid. I guess that is all it is, especially after the disaster of a failed relationship we tried to have. A good person would stop fucking her. I am not a good person. I just need to convince myself that I’m using her, not the other way around. What a mess I have found myself in.” I bit my lip to stop myself from gasping.   
“Abi, I’m so sorry.”   
“No you fucking aren’t! If you were, you wouldn’t have written any of this shit. Nothing about me, about Haley, and especially about fucking Rosie. I don’t know how she can stand the fucking SIGHT of you.” Abigail spat, and I clapped my hands over my mouth. What had Seb written about me?   
“She doesn’t know.”   
“Yeah, well she might soon.”   
“Can I have it back, Abi?”   
“I don’t have it.”   
“Who does?”   
“None of your fucking business, Seb. You don’t get to know.”   
“Get out, Abigail.” He hissed, “Get the FUCK out of here.” I stood up quickly, running away from the house before Abigail could come downstairs. I got far enough away for it to be believable and stopped to let some breaths wheeze out. I forgot I was still quite sick. I began to meander along, slowly, only for Abigail to come barreling past me. I didn’t bother her, just let her go, and she was evidently sobbing as she ran away from the house. As she ran, bits of paper fell from her bag.   
“Abigail… you dropped your paper!” I cried out after her, but she didn’t turn around. I picked them up, making a note to take them back to her… after I read them. I tucked them into my jacket pocket, and continued walking towards to Harvey’s, the paper feeling heavy in my pockets. While I waited for Harvey to be free, I pulled the paper out and began to read. I felt… horrified.   
“Hey, Rosie, you can come in now.” Harvey said, poking his head out of the door. I shoved the paper back into my pocket boiling with anger as I walked past Harvey into the room.   
I had made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's a short one, because I am currently packing to move house. Hope you enjoyed!


	8. Sick of Losing Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dumb screenshot of youth, watch how a cold broken teen will desperately lean on a superglued human of proof

_Much like with Sam, while I would have been a friend with anyone around out of convenience growing up, Abi was different. Something about her personality drew me to her even as a young boy. She was someone to adventure with, to annoy people with, to pave our way out of this town with. She understood, to an extent, about how lost inside my own head I got. She could pull me back out like no other. It’s like she drew out the best in me._   
_There had always been talk of us getting married, y’know? Even as four and five year olds, it was always on the cards. People just knew that Seb and Abi were a package deal. As we got older, that only got more apparent. I’m not sure if the way I ended up feeling about Abi was genuine or if it was manufactured after years of people expecting us to be endgame, but I did end up having very intense feelings for her. At one point there, I’d like to believe that she did too._   
_That’s how everything that happened started, right?_   
_Teenagers are teenagers, and as we began to learn about sex and all that fun stuff, Abi and I took it upon ourselves to do some extra credit learning in our own time. That did not help how I felt about her. Many nights, I would break down thinking about the possibility that she might not actually feel the same way about me. I always shook it off, knowing it was basically inevitable that we would be together. It helped me hold on._   
_God I wish I had a better coping mechanism now._   
_We were 22 when it all fell apart, so to speak. There was rumours swirling about the town that the Old Mariner was about to appear for that year, but nobody was going to go for it. The last wedding has been Mum and Demetrius, and that had been years ago. People had lost hope in there ever being another wedding until new people moved to town, and I wanted to prove them very wrong. That day, when the rain started I wandered out to that beach and walked right up to that man. I spent what little money I had earned from my first few months of freelancing and I bought that pendant. I strolled back into town, the pendant heaving in my pocket, almost like it was a giant glowing sign saying “HEY, LOOK AT ME, SEBASTIAN LOVES SOMEONE.”_   
_I got Abi to meet me by the mines for a picnic, and when she got there I mentioned offhand that someone had gone to the Mariner and bought the pendant. She laughed, and walked off into the mines. I followed her down, helping with the few bugs that bothered her until we reached flat ground. We sat down with a picnic blanket and had a good sandwich, all the while I was too nervous to pull out the pendant. She was just… there. I had no idea what I felt when I looked at her, but it was always, ALWAYS an underlying feeling of love. As we got up to leave, the pendant clattered out of my pocket, rolling right in front of Abigail. My hands flew to my mouth as hers dropped, a look of almost pure dread in her face._   
_“Sebby, no… No.” she groaned, picking up her sword and going to leave._   
_“Why not?” I called after her as she began to climb the ladder. She stopped, coming back down the few rungs she had climbed, and turned to look at me._   
_“Don’t you want more than this? More than what we’ve had? You know all of six people your age, there is just so many people out there… there is no way I’m the one for you.” She sighed, shrugging her shoulders._   
_“No, Abi. Because I probably won’t ever meet those people. Don’t you get it? This is us. This is the way it was basically written for us to go. You’ve changed my world, man. You made me a better person. I want to be a better person, forever.” I murmured, small tears starting to form. Abigail’s face turned from a look of almost pity, into anger._   
_“Oh my Yoba, Seb. You’re as blind as a bat.” She hissed, “This is just sex. That’s all it ever was, all it ever will be. I’m sorry you caught feelings but I sure as hell did not. I know there is more out there than the six people I grew up with.”_   
_“Well, then why me?! Why was I the one who you picked?!” I yelled, tears now streaming down my face._   
_“YOU WEREN’T THE ONLY ONE!” she cried, alerting the attention of some monsters a level down. We scampered for the elevator, getting out of there as soon as possible. We sat in silence in the elevator, both of us obviously stewing about the other._   
_“Who else?” I eventually got the courage to ask, and it came out of me weakly and sad. I’d thought about it, and I knew the answer._   
_“Sam.”_   
_“That motherfucker.” I hissed._   
_"Huh?”_   
_“I told him, years ago, that I loved you.” I said simply, and she looked down at her boots._   
_“I’m sorry, Sebby. I really am. I don’t want this to change anything between us.” I saw red. She didn’t want anything to change even though she had just torn my entire world apart? Rejected my proposal and told me that she was fucking my best friend? Taken away the one thought that kept me tethered to reality? I seethed, but I knew the correct way to proceed._   
_“Of course. You’re still my adventure buddy.” I nodded, as the elevator reached the top. We both walked out, going our separate ways immediately. I sat down by the lake, and cried._   
_I guess that’s really where that story ends, or at least where it stops getting interesting enough to care about. I’ve struggled to care about anyone ever since. Abi has continually provided me with a release I needed, even if after all this time she still won’t consider carrying it forward. She’s getting what she needs from me, and I’m getting… laid. I guess that is all it is, seeing as we never ever ended up officially together. A good person would stop fucking her. I am not a good person, and neither is Sam, apparently. I just need to convince myself that I’m using her, not the other way around. What a mess I have found myself in._


	9. Miserable At Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can live without you but without you I'll be miserable.

_Winter, Day 19.  
Goodbye, everyone. I’m sorry._   
  
I woke up, ready to roll out of bed and begin another normal day.   
“No sickness, no revelations, no tears, nothing. Just a normal day. I’m gonna hang out with Seb, maybe kiss him, and just have a normal day.” I chanted at myself as I opened my eyes, throwing the covers off me and immediately regretting my decision as the winter morning bit at my legs. I swung my legs out of bed, stretching my toes against the wood floor as I sat up.   
“No diary entries, no fighting, no discussions. Just an ordinary day with this guy I have feelings for.” I muttered, as I stood up and grabbed my phone off the bedside table. I fired off a text to Seb, asking if he wanted to go mining later today. Everything was harvested thanks to Sam coming and finishing my work yesterday, after I had passed out. I made a mental note to thank him with some pizza and a beer next time we were at the Saloon, which would probably be tonight. Seb didn’t reply, which was normal for this time of morning. He could sleep through the apocalypse.   
“Today you’re just going to make sense of what you read yesterday. You’re not going to punch Abigail for what she did to him. You’re not going to confront Sam. You’re not going to get mad at Seb for being so full of vitriol. You’re just going to check on your animals and then maybe go mining with Seb. You’re not going to bring any of it up. It’s not yours to be mad about.” I muttered one last thing, before stepping towards the bedroom door, still in a tired haze. I wandered out to the kitchen to make breakfast, my eyes barely open. I opened the fridge and pulled out an egg, wondering what I could add to it to make the meal more substantial, just as Harvey had asked of me. I frowned at the egg. I didn’t want this.   
“Rosie.” Someone spoke, and I squeaked as my body flinched and the egg flew out of my hands and to the floor. I spun around startled, and saw Sam and Abigail sitting at my kitchen table. Sam’s expression was dark and his face was tear streaked, and Abigail had fury in her eyes. Both were rugged up in coats, and they looked like they had been awake for a long time.   
“Uh… hey. Want breakfast?” I asked, pointing at the mess of egg all over my floor. Sam shook his head, and Abigail tapped her foot against the ground in a mix of anger and anxiety.   
Something was going on here.   
“Ok, no breakfast.” I said, wiping the egg up off the floor and picking up the shell pieces to throw in the sink, “wanna explain why you’re in my house at seven in the morning if it’s not for breakfast?”   
“You’re going to want to sit down, Rosie.” Abigail said, “Something happened last night, and we thought you should know.” Her voice wavered slightly, and I could tell she was nervous about the entire situation. I didn’t blame her for being nervous around anyone, especially after what she did to Seb.   
Oh.   
That’s why she’s here.   
“Does this have anything to do with you showing up at Seb’s all emotional last night?” I asked, and Abigail raised her eyebrow, folding her arms against her chest. Sam looked at her quizzically.   
“You saw him last night? You didn’t tell us that.” He asked, and she looked daggers at me.   
“No, I didn’t.” she hissed, lying straight through her teeth, “but I’m pretty sure it has plenty to do with you. Look… something has happened with S-“  
“ROBIN CAN’T FIND SEB!” Sam interrupted, a new sob wracking through his body as he yelled. I blinked a couple of times, hoping I had misheard him even though he spoke as clear as he possibly could through tears.   
“Sorry, what?” I stuttered, the world feeling much colder than it actually was. Abigail rolled her eyes at Sam, before beginning to speak.   
“Robin showed up at mine at like… four this morning in hysterics. His bike is gone.” Abigail stated, looking down at her crossed arms.   
Fuck.   
He’s gone and she KNOWS it’s her fucking fault.   
“So he’s gone for a ride?” I asked, and Sam shook his head again.   
“It’s not just the bike. Any money that was in the house is gone. His room was completely pulled apart and half his shit is missing.” He choked out.   
“He’s always had this thing planned, since he nearly had a one night stand with Haley. It’s called Operation: Bolt. Part of it was that he would text Sam and I with just that word. Everything else from the plan was activated, but we never got the text. He’s gone, we just don’t know where.” She stated. She refused to look at anyone.   
“I’ll find where he is.” I muttered, dialing his number into my phone. I put the phone to my ear, listening to the rings as I stood up and paced the length of my kitchen. My heart hurt with each new ring.   
“He won’t answer. We’ve been calling all morning.” Abigail said, still looking down at her arms. This bastard better pick up. He better fucking pick up.   
_“Hey, you’ve reached Sebastian. If this is about programming work, my email is voidessence29@joja.com and I am more contactable there. Otherwise, leave me a message after the beep!”_   
I put the phone down, looking up at Abigail, who had a small smirk on her face.   
“Do you doubt me now? I’ve known him for years. I know he won’t answer that easy.” She said, and I felt a flash of fury run through me that I had to swallow down. Attacking Abigail over the diary entry now would not help any of us find Sebastian.  
“No… so, do we go try and find him?” I asked, and Sam looked up at me with sad eyes. Abigail chuckled slightly, and I shot her a frown.   
“You know for a fact how fucking big Zuzu is, Rosie.” He wailed. I’d never seen Sam have a frown, let alone have a full on breakdown, so the sight of him in tears had thrown me completely. I reached over to rub his arm, unsure of what I could actually do to comfort him.   
“I do, but I also know all the hotels and most of the door staff. The few friends I do have back there all work at hotels.” I said, pulling out my phone, ready to email anyone who may have been able to help me.   
“That’s a weird set of friends to have.” Abigail noted, and I glared at her.   
“I have a weird past.” I stated, crossing my arms. “That has nothing to do with right now, though. We need to at least find out if he made it. It’s fucking cold out and if he left in a panic, he might not have fueled up or taken food.”   
Abigail laughed, and I felt myself bite my tongue again so that I didn’t yell at her.   
“You underestimate how much he had planned. He’s had a bag packed and an extra jerry can full of fuel together for almost a year. Just before you came to town, actually. I thought he would have activated this plan long ago.”   
“What stopped him, then? Because from what I’ve gathered recently, it sure as hell wasn’t you.” I hissed, letting a small section of anger slip through as I leant closer to Abigail. I looked her dead in the eyes, trying to work out why she actually cared he had left or if this was about saving a little bit of face. Literally anybody in town could have read what Seb wrote about her, and Pelican Town is a small town. Word moves fast.   
“Well… I think it was you.” She mumbled. I sat back in shock, my chair rocking back slightly as I looked between her and Sam.   
“Me?” I asked, surprise dripping from my voice.   
“You can’t hide how close you two have gotten recently. Seb has never, and I mean NEVER, spent that much time with someone of his own free will. Not even us.” Sam mumbled, a small smattering of jealousy sinking into his voice as he put his head down onto the table.   
Seb was right, people had noticed. Of course they had.   
“I also think you’re our key to getting him home. But, you can’t just rush off to the city and try to track him. He’s smarter than that.” Abigail said, “We just need to know he’s safe, and then we need to let him live his life.”   
I slumped into my chair, letting silence fall over the room. Sam continued to sob with his head down on the table, while Abigail kept tapping her foot against the floor.   
“I don’t know if I can let him do that.” I muttered after a while, and Abigail let out a sigh. She stood up, walking towards the door.   
“We might just have to. He’s not going to pick up his phone for any of us at the moment.” she said, and I nodded in agreement. I didn’t want to agree with her. I actually didn’t even want to see her, and yet here we were.   
“I get that, but I’m actually headed back to Zuzu in a few weeks. Waterparks are playing and I have a ticket. I’ll find him while I’m there. I’ll convince him to come back. I promise.” I said, looking over at Sam. He lifted his head up from the table to look at me.   
“Please.” was all he stuttered out before his head hit the table again. I flicked my head back to Abigail, who was opening the door to leave. I got up to follow her, regretting my choice as I stepped out onto my patio. My feet stung from the cold, but I had to confront her. I couldn’t let it go. She’d hurt him.  
“Hey.” I said, and she kept walking, faster after I called out. I bolted down the steps after her, reaching out and grabbing her coat to turn her around. She let a huff out of her nose, and crossed her arms again, looking my shivering frame up and down.   
“Yes?” she asked.   
“I read what he wrote about you. You dropped it on your way back from Seb’s yesterday.” I stuttered through chattering teeth. Abigail’s eyes widened, but she tried to keep her composure, “You just point blank lied to Sam in there, in case you didn’t notice.”   
“What’s your point, Rosie?” she asked, and I finally let go of all the little jabs I held in while she was in my house. I felt them rise up from the pit of my stomach, white hot against my throat.   
“I’m confused as to why you’re surprised he didn’t message you saying he had left. I mean, it seems to me that you’re the fucking reason. You confronted him about the stuff he wrote, which he had every right to write. You continued to pass that around. You’re the one who fucked him and his best friend at the same time even though you had to have known how he felt about you. You’re the reason, Abigail.” My voice picked up, and tears began to prickle in my eyes, “YOU’RE THE FUCKING REASON, ABIGAIL.” I wheeled on one foot, and stormed back into my house, leaving Abigail standing in the middle of the path.   
“He didn’t message you either, bitch!” she called out after me, and my hands ached with anger as I fought the urge to turn around and punch her. I didn’t want to see her face again. I bolted through the front door, straight past Sam and back into my bedroom. I slammed the door behind me as I saw Sam get up to follow me into my room. I collapsed onto the bed, letting out a huge wail as my face landed in the pillow. I grabbed my phone, and tried calling Seb again. _“Hey, you’ve reached Sebastian. If this is about programming work, my email is voidessence29@joja.com and I am more contactable there. Otherwise, leave me a message after the beep!”_   
“No, you bastard, pick up.” I mumbled, dialing the number again. Sam opened the door and sat down on the bed, watching me with bloodshot eyes.   
_“Hey, you’ve reached Sebastian. If this is about programming work, my email is voidessence29@joja-“_   
“NO.”   
_“Hey, you’ve reached Sebastian. If this is about program-_ “   
“ANSWER THE PHONE YOU FUCK!” I screamed at my hands as I hung up. I dialed the number once more, missing digits because of my hands shaking. The phone rung a few times, before finally being picked up.   
“Rose. Please stop calling.” He said sternly, and I felt my lungs basically melt as I finally let out a proper cry.   
“No… Seb, please come back. Please.” I sobbed down the phone line. I heard him take a breath in, and I hoped that he was at least regretting leaving me behind.   
“I’m not coming back. Enjoy life in the Valley. I’m going to miss you.” He said, before hanging up. I didn’t even get a chance to respond. I threw the phone against the wall, hearing it clatter into pieces. I balled my hands up into fists, and punched down onto the bed, letting out screams as my hands impacted onto the mattress. My throat ached from yelling as Sam shimmied over to grab me, pulling me into his chest as he cried again. We sat there for a solid twenty minutes, just sobbing into each other. The sun continued to rise, and eventually it shone straight in the window onto our broken frames.   
“He’s my best friend, Rosie. We have to get him back.” He said weakly, and I felt my heart break again as I heard the desperation in his voice.  
“I’ll get him back. I promise.” I whispered.

The rest of the day came and went, and I functioned on autopilot. I dumped all my new produce into the box, along with a note to Lewis saying he was going to have to make the trip out every day, as I refused to leave the farm. I set up an email inbox for produce requests. I cleaned the house. I made my bed. I fixed my phone. I climbed back into bed, and listened to the most heartbreaking words I had ever discovered.  
 _“Hey, you’ve reached Sebastian. If this is about programming work, my email is voidessence29@joja.com and I am more contactable there. Otherwise, leave me a message after the beep!”_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, everything snuck up on me for a minute there!


	10. The Best Thing (That Never Happened)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So toxic, you ain't nothing but a prick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna post a small trigger warning at the start here, for drugs.

_Sometimes, you make dumb decisions. My dumbest decision ever was trying to forget about Abigail by taking Haley up on an offer for sex. (It’s funny how sex seems to be the thing that gets me in the most trouble. Keep it in your fucking pants, Seb.)_

_Our families hardly knew half the shit we got up to as late teens, and it was widely regarded that we were probably the quietest and politest teens in the world. Most people who would travel to the Valley would usually think we were all Jehovah’s Witness. They couldn’t be further from the truth._   
_We were all giant, manipulative, drunk, horrid assholes._   
_I knew I wasn’t that good of a kid to my parents, but I could never imagine fucking over my peers. As we got older, nobody seemed to have a problem fucking me over._   
_Sam was quickly forgiven, but I couldn’t forgive Abigail straight away. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have forgiven either of them so easily. Slowly, all of the small friendship groups began to fracture, and it was Pam’s great idea that we should all just forget about our issues and get drunk together. So, from about the age of 22, we’d all meet after hours in the abandoned Community Centre, get drunk on wine and generally be fucking idiots. This was the most fun we had all week, but sometimes it brought out the worst in people._

_People like Haley._

_Haley and Emily were not regular participants in our messy nights to begin with. It was not long after Abigail turned down my proposal that their parents went away to travel the world. Once they were gone, Emily came out to play and she turned out to be a great addition to the group. Haley never seemed particularly interested; regarding the events as too crass for her delicate sensibilities… or skin… something was too delicate for it. Eventually, however, she did start showing up. Along with that, she started showing me interest. Still torn up about Abigail, I wasn’t sure how to react. I kept turning her down, until one night._

_T he night in question was three months after their parents left. Everyone had met for weekly drinks, and Emily had wandered in, dragging Haley by the arm. Haley looked disgruntled, and the most disheveled I had ever seen her. I cocked my head curiously at her, and she returned my stare with a snarl. Classic Haley. It wasn’t until a few drinks entered her system that she paid me attention._   
_Abigail passed them both a drink, slipping a small wink at Haley as Sam and I wriggled back to let them into the circle. We had been playing truth or dare for about an hour, and things had finally begun to heat up. I had been watching myself a lot recently, and in doing that, I had decided not to drink anything other than water. After many exchanges, and a few more drinks, Haley threw her hat into the ring. Immediately, amongst giggles, she was dared to kiss someone who she was sure would never want to kiss her. Imagine my surprise when she walked up to me and planted a kiss directly on my lips. As she pulled away I looked over at Abigail as if to apologise, even though there was no reason for me to do so. She was looking away, unsure of how to react. Haley went and sat down, and the game continued. I zoned out, ignoring all that went on around me until I felt Sam tap on my shoulder._   
_“Huh?” I asked, looking up to him. I felt my head spin slightly as I moved, and knew something didn’t feel right. I put my head down into my hands for a second, shutting my eyes tightly so I could try and re-orientate the world._   
_“You just completely ignored Haley asking to fuck you, man!” he exclaimed, and I shook my head as I moved to stand up. The entire world felt woozy and I had to brace my jaw to stop myself from throwing up._   
_“That’s not going to happen.” I mumbled. Maybe I had just spaced out so much that I drank all of Sam’s drinks instead. Wouldn’t be the first time. I stumbled out of the centre, and began the walk home. I felt horrid, and was very excited about collapsing into bed and sleeping off whatever was happening to me._

_I don’t think I need to explain that this did not end well._

_I arrived back to my room to find Haley on my bed. I tried to tell her to leave to no avail, before caving and going along with her requests. We made out for twenty minutes, before my hazy state combined with the situation affected me too much and I began to cry about Abigail. Haley appeared concerned, and asked me to tell her everything about what happened between Abi and I. I told her about the pendant and Abigail admitting to me that she had been sleeping with Sam. As I finished up my story, she got up and walked over to the corner of my room. She grabbed something, and walked back over to me. It was a camera. She looked back at me in glee, while I struggled to comprehend what was going on._   
_“I had no idea she had you this bad. This is entertaining. Drugging you was the best idea I ever had.” She laughed. I frowned, struggling to sit up and look at her. Every movement made me feel sicker, and I couldn't feel my limbs._   
_“What?”_   
_“I’m sure you worked that part out; I slipped something in your water when I kissed you. Now, I thought I’d at least get a decent sex tape to put online. Instead, I got the chance to ruin your life. Nobody knows you went to the Mariner bar Abi, and now me.” She cackled, “I’m sure everyone would love to hear about your confession of love for Abigail and how she tore your heart out of your fucking chest. I’m sure Sam would love to know that you’re aware of Abi and him. I’m sure your parents would love to know you’ve all been having sex since about fourteen.”_   
_I rolled off the bed, whacking onto the floor in surprise. I used my arms to pull myself back up to my feet, but I could barely stand._   
_“Why are you doing this?” I asked, choking on my own words. She walked over to me and grabbed my face, looking me dead in the eyes, “Listen closely, Seb. We are not good people. Nobody in this town is a good person. Nobody in this town has your fucking back.” She tucked the camera down her bra, and walked towards the door, “So here is how this is going to go down. If you tell ANYBODY about why I actually dragged you up here, I play this tape to everybody.”_   
_"Why?” I asked, and she turned back around with her hands on her hips._

_“For power. I’m bored here, Seb. My parents get to see the whole fucking world. I’m stuck here with the same people every day. I want to have some fun. Now, get some rest. Your comedown is going to suck. If anyone asks, we didn’t fuck. I came to my senses and left. Understood?”_   
_I nodded, before she closed the door behind her and I was left alone in silence._

_I woke up the next day and immediately put a plan to run into action. Ever since, I’ve had everything prepped to go in case she gets too bored and decides to use that footage to stir up some fun. If I have to run because of Haley telling everyone about Abigail and I, I will._   
_I’m glad we never ended up sleeping together. I can’t even imagine what fun she would have created if we did. I guess, since writing all this down I’ve come to realize Abigail isn’t the only reason I don’t trust anyone. Haley helped with that._


	11. Stupid For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're a symphony, I'm just a sour note.

_Spring 14, Year 2_

_I can’t say life is all that different for me in Zuzu City. I’m still waking up late, still programming, still jacking off, still sleeping._   
_Ok… that’s a bit of an understatement. Life is very different. I’m making good money, the couch I’m sleeping on is comfier than expected, my room mates only kind of suck, and my anxiety only spikes when I have to go into town. Things are really different, and I feel surprisingly better about it all. The only thing missing is Rosie._   
_I mean, she’s probably given up on me. Gone back to pottering around the farm. I can’t say I’m all that memorable._   
_I tried very hard to forget about her, and everyone else. My first few nights here were a drunk and drug filled mess, and everything fucking hurt. I tried to talk to other people, tried to sleep with other people, tried to find a replacement family. None of it worked. When I sobered up so I could start working, missing all of them came back immediately. This hurts worse than all of the stuff with Abigail._   
_Work has been amazing though. Using it as a distraction has gotten me a promotion to head programmer already. Riding my bike to and from work every day, learning how to cook, going to nightclubs, to shows, being able to do everything I always wanted to do. I’m loving every single thing about this city! Well, almost everything. Apart from my roommates, I’m alone. I can assure you they are not the fucking same as the people in the Valley. You talk to them and they listen but they just don’t… hear you, I guess._   
_Yoba, I miss everyone. Sam, Abigail, Mum, Maru… Rosie. Fuck, I keep coming back to her._   
_I never should have left her behind, and she’ll never forgive me for going so abruptly._

I zipped up my toiletries bag, picking it up from the vanity and plonking it down with my other stuff to pack. I stared at the pile for a second, a sick feeling in my stomach. I crossed my arms across it, trying to push the feeling out.  
Or disappear.  
One of the two.  
“I’m… I’m gonna find a different shirt for the show.” I stated, picking up my Waterparks shirt and throwing it back towards my wardrobe.  
Two groans ran out from the corner of my room, and I spun around to look at Sam and Abigail. Both were sat on beanbags in the corner of my bedroom, fed up looks smattered all over their faces.  
“Oh for fucks sake, Rosie. This is the fifth time!” Abigail cried out, smacking her face into her hands, before walking out of the room, grumbling under her breath.  
“You are not changing outfits again. You’re going to pack them, and you’re going to get your tickets off the fridge, then you’re going to get on the bus, and go back to Zuzu.” Sam stated, tucking his knees under his chin. I looked at his, instant regret surging through me as I remembered the day we found out Seb left. This trip was going to be hard on me, but if I returned without Seb? I don’t know if Sam would survive. I couldn’t even think about seeing Waterparks right now. I broke away from looking at Sam’s broken frame, and turned back to my bags. Sam was right. I just needed to go. No matter how scared I was of not finding him, or finding him and him turning my pleas down, I had to go. This wasn’t about just me and my feelings.  
Abigail walked back into the room. She stormed over to the shirt I’d thrown, handing it back to me along with my ticks. I pushed it into my bag, throwing the other clothes and my toiletries on top and zipping the bag up. I let out a huge sigh, and picked up the bags, heading for the door. Sam and Abigail followed me, walking me towards the bus where Pam was waiting. She gave me a little nod, before climbing into the drivers seat. I climbed on, settling into my seat and pushing my headphones in. I watched out the window as the bus started rolling, with waves of regret and nervousness rolling off me as we drove back past the farm and out of the Valley.

While we travelled, my mind wandered to how different things had been without Seb around. Abigail and I had talked out everything that happened the day he left, and had come to an understanding. Don’t get me wrong, the thought of her and Sam betraying Seb made me boil inside. However, I was willing to let it slide until I found him.  
Besides, with him gone, their little group was missing a person and I didn’t have an almost inseparable companion. I began to spend more time with them both, mining and going to the Saloon on Friday nights. Abigail began helping me around the farm when I had a particularly bad day, and we both helped Jodi when Sam was having a bad day. That became more and more frequent as Seb was gone longer and longer. I cant even count on two hands the amount of sad looks Jodi had shot me from behind Sam’s back, or how many times Vincent had asked me when Seb was coming back to make his brother normal again. Sam’s dad, Kent, had returned from war about two weeks after Seb had left. He couldn’t believe the mess that his son had become so quickly. He found it hard to believe that Sam had only become like this in the last few weeks, and quite frankly if I hadn’t been there before it happened, I would have thought the same. He kept asking Abigail and I what he could do to help. We didn’t know the answer to that then. We still don’t.  
Abigail was attempting to be strong, but she didn’t really know how to either. All too often I’d catch a glimpse of her while she was helping me harvest crops and I’d see her wiping tears from her eyes. She’d always tell me it was just sweat, but I could tell from the way she braced her muscles so I couldn’t see her shaking that she was lying to me.  
Robin refused to do any work. Demetrius would come down to me asking for vegetables to make food. They couldn’t afford to buy them straight from Pierre’s, even from Maru’s pay as a nurse. He seemed more furious than upset that Sebastian had left the way he did. I guess he’s blaming him for all the mess he left behind. I did for a while, too.  
Nobody was really coming to terms with Seb being gone. I definitely wasn’t. I’d wake up in the morning, ready to message him to see if he wanted to hang out and help me on the farm that day. It would only take seconds for the thought of him being gone to creep back in, and I’d throw back the covers and roll out of bed hoping that instead of touching the floor I’d just fall into Hell instead. It had almost been a whole season since he left. Summer was looming around the corner, and I had barely thought about what crops I was going to plant. None of it really mattered. I used to think I was really strong and I could (and did) survive and work through any heartbreak. Turns out none of them had hurt this bad. I kept trying, but nothing felt right without him there.  
As the concert loomed closer, Abigail and I worked on autopilot, and Sam didn’t work at all. All three of us were a mess, but as the day came nearer the other two began to gain some hope back. The look on Sam’s face when he would ask me if I was excited to see Waterparks told me he didn’t care about the band at all. It was almost like Waterparks became code for Sebastian.

“Ok kid, we’re here.” Pam called over her shoulder, and I let out a sigh as the bus stopped moving and I stood up. I picked up my bag and walked to the front of the bus, stopping to face Pam.  
“Thanks, Pam.” I smiled, and she nodded again before grabbing my arm. This was odd for Pam, as she’d never said more than ‘hello’ or ‘I’d like a pale ale if you have one’ to me the whole time I’d lived in the Valley. Her eyes seemed sad, and her grip was loose, but I could tell she needed to say something to me.  
“Look kid, I know things have been hard for you three lately… just don’t get too sure he’ll come back, ok? Don’t get your hopes up. I know the other two already have.” She mumbled, turning away to look out the front window, “Seb is a smart kid, and if he felt like this is what he needed to do, you three need to let that happen.”  
“I have no expectations of even finding him.” I stated, and Pam nodded once as she let got of my arm, before opening the bus door to let me out. I jumped down the stairs, looking around the city as I took a deep breath in. “The air is so much more disgusting than I remember!” I called back to her, and she chuckled as she shut the door and drove away. I turned back to face the street, walking towards my hotel for the night. It was weird being back here and not going to my apartment. I wandered up to the hotel, pulling on the glass door at the front and entering. As soon as I was a step into the building, I was hit with a wall of sound.  
“Well do my damn eyes deceive me?! I thought I saw your name on the check in list!” someone yelled, and I looked up to see a girl with bright yellow plaits and tan skin behind the counter. My heart lept as I recognized my partner in crime from Joja, Sunshine. A grin cracked my face, and I noted that this was the first time since Seb left that I had smiled that wide.  
“Sunshine!” I cried, walking over to the counter, ”Whatever happened to coming to visit my farm as soon as I settled, asshole?!”  
Sunshine reached over the counter to hug me, her eyes wide and her smile so wide her teeth shone through. As she sat back down into her chair, she chuckled slightly while beginning to flail her hands a tad, before launching into a fast story. Classic Sunshine, her brain couldn’t keep up with her mouth half the time.  
“Dude, literally the week after you quit Joja, I did too! I got offered full time here and I took it as my chance to tell them to get fucked which I did and it was AMAZING, you should have seen me! I stood on my desk and literally told them all to get fucked! I nearly fell off my desk getting back down but that’s beside the point! I told them to get fucked and it was MAGICAL! Anyway I started training here the next day and then three people quit because they all got jobs at Joja so I took their hours and to be honest I’ve barely had two consecutive days off since!” she finished her story by taking in a breath, as if she had forgotten to breathe the whole sentence. I laughed at her under my breath. Sunshine had always been a fast but windy talker.  
“That’s incredible, Sunny! I’m so happy for you! Are you coming to Waterparks tonight?” I asked, as she began to process my check-in. She shook her head, a small frown appearing.  
“Nah, got told I’m not allowed to attend the shows of people who stay here anymore. May or may not have got reported for going to see Trash Boat on my dinner break one night. They thought I followed them back to the hotel, really I was just coming back to work.” She giggled slightly, “The problem with that is that everyone fucking stays here. Did you know the other week Gerard Way stayed here on the way to a con? I had to keep my fucking cool and be professional and it was SO HARD!”  
Sunny, being professional? Rare. She was always on report at Joja for being unprofessional. My name was usually next to hers.  
“Speaking of people staying places, a friend of mine moved here about a season ago. Have you seen or encountered any newbies at all? He wont contact us so I don’t know if he’s staying anywhere or if he found a house.”  
“Hmm, name? It’s against the rules to give out contact details and such but if it’s him, then I might be able to give you a room number to call.” She asked, handing me my card and then looking back to her computer.  
“Sebastian Einar.” I stated, his name almost feeling like fire in my mouth. I swallowed back the bitter feeling, refusing to feel like shit the first time I was seeing a friend in a year. Sunshine typed away for a minute, a frown forming on her face as she searched.  
“Well, I got him. He was here for a week but checked out on Winter 26. I’m not sure where he’s gone since. There is a mobile number listed, have you got that?”  
I nodded, accepting defeat. He was untraceable now. My shoulders slumped and the room grew a tad colder. My smile faded, and I was right back to feeling how I did before I got off the bus. Fuck.  
“Thanks for trying, Sunshine.” I sighed, pushing my bag strap up my shoulder and picking up my room key. Sunshine looked at me funny, cocking her head to one side.  
“Judging by the look on your face, Mr Einar is more than a friend to you, huh?” she asked, and I gave a small nod. There was no use hiding my feelings for Seb from Sunshine. It wasn’t like she was ever going to see him again.  
“He left with no warning. Some stuff went down and we woke up the next day to his room pulled apart and his bike gone.” I said glumly. Sunshine’s smile finally dropped as she reached to touch my hand.  
“That’s rough, Rosie.”  
“It’s been really rough. It’s a small community and as much as he tried not to be a part of it, he really was. Everyone is missing him.”  
“Hey, I finish about an hour before Waterparks starts. Wanna go get sushi before the show?” she patted my hand, and I nodded.  
“That would be amazing, Sunny.” I sighed, “I can tell you all about the good parts of the Valley.”  
“Can’t wait. I’ll text you.” She smiled a small smile before turning back to her computer. I lugged my stuff over to the elevator, pushing the up button and waiting for the doors to open. I was just about to step in the elevator when Sunshine called out to me from the counter.  
“ROSIE! I think I know how to find him!” She yelled, earning looks from the people bustling in and out of the lobby. I raced back over to the counter, plonking all my stuff back onto the floor, “so I recognized the email attached to his booking, right? It’s so edgy. [voidessence29@joja.com](mailto:voidessence29@joja.com)? He sounds like a wanker. Anyway, that email address just so happens to be the email address of the guy who revamped our check in system. He thought it was too clunky when he checked in so he bargained for the kid who was on to let him fix it. Boss was impressed, so they kept his details so if we ever need something else done, we can just email him. Genius.” She cackled. My heart pounded harder. She wasn’t making any sense  
“Ok, so how does an email address I already have help me find him?”  
“I’m about to set up a fake appointment. I’ll get him in here to look at our archiving system. Instead, you’ll be here to ambush him in the lobby. I just emailed him and he said he could be here in twenty minutes at the most, but not for long because he was going to see Waterparks tonight.”

Wait.

What.

“He’s going to Waterparks? He’s coming HERE!? NOW?! Shit, I need a fucking shower!” I yelled, grabbing all my stuff and rushing back to the elevator. I smashed the buttons, and ran in as the door opened. I stood there, bouncing from foot to foot as the elevator ambled up the building.  
“Hurry the fuck up, hurry the fuck up oh my YOBA HURRY THE FUCK UP.” I hissed under my breath. Eventually, the elevator stopped and opened its doors and I barreled out towards my room. I shoved the key card rather forcefully into the door, and pushed the door open very hard. I threw everything onto the bed, stripping off as quickly as possible and pulling my toiletries bag out of my bag so fast it broke the zipper.  
“SHIT!” I exclaimed as I crawled naked around the floor, trying to find my shower gel and toothbrush. I found both, and launched myself into the shower. I brushed my teeth as I let the water run through my hair to flatten it. I had dyed it not long before the trip, so the water ran a pinky red as it swirled down the drain. I quickly ran the shower gel over my body and scrubbed it in, washing my hands off to braid my hair back into two plaits like Sunshine’s hair had been as the gel washed off my body. The subs were barely off me as I launched back out of the shower and back into the main room, pulling my bag apart to find my Waterparks shirt and my jeans. I went to pull them on before I realized I was still very wet. I rushed back to the bathroom to grab a towel, running back out again as I hastily dried myself off. I could barely think straight. The idea that I could be seeing Sebastian again had sent me into a mad panic. I finally pulled all my clothes on, grabbed my ticket, phone, room key and wallet, and ran back downstairs as fast as I could. I tried to take some deep breaths as I pressed the elevator buttons again. I needed to calm down, and not make it look like I knew he was going to be there. As the elevator opened its doors again, I collapsed onto the floor of it, letting myself really breathe. If he was going to be there when I reopened there I had to keep myself calm, collected and act surprised. The elevator dinged, and I stood up as the doors opened. I made my way out as if I was going to walk straight out and go to the venue, that was if he was here he could call out to me and I could act like I didn’t see him. I got to the door without being called out to. I pushed on it just as hard as I would as if I was opening the door to Pierre’s. I went to step out as the door swung quite violently, before I heard it collect someone and knock them backwards. The person yelped as they hit the floor, and I spun around to help them up. I leant down and picked up their hand, pulling them up.  
“Holy shit I am so sorry! Let me hel… Seb?” My eyes widened as I took in who I hit with the door. My heart pounded even harder as I felt tears pinprick my eyes and my lip began to wobble. He was really here. He was in front of me again.  
I need to touch him.  
I need to hug him.  
I need to kiss him, maybe?  
“Rosie…?” he asked, before I rushed in and wrapped my arms around him. Tears began to spill out my eyes as I took in his scent and it really hit me just how much I had missed it. He hesitated to put his arms around me, but once he had completed the hug he pulled me tighter to him. I heard him sniff, attempting to hold back tears himself, “Rosie, I have work to go do.”  
“I fucking miss you.” I cried, pushing back against him so he would let go. He didn’t, instead he left his arms clasped around my waist, and just let me pull back to look at his face, “I fucking miss you so much.”  
I looked at him. He looked exactly the same as he did before he left, if not a little thinner. I could only assume it was because he was missing Robin’s cooking. I pushed my head back into his chest as I cried, and he let out a small chuckle as he finally broke the hug and pushed me back a little.  
“Come back into the hotel. I have work to do, then we can go to Waterparks, which I assume is why you’re here?” he asked, wiping a small tear out of his eye. I nodded, as the door opened again and Sunshine poked her head out.  
“Hey, Einar, right? It’s all good, we worked out the little glitch. Just had to turn it on and off again!” she laughed. Sebastian frowned as Sunshine popped her head back into the hotel, and I couldn’t help but chuckle as he questioned her method of fixing the ‘issue’  
“That is not how you fix things, lady!” he yelled back at her as she shut the door and ran back to her desk. I shook my head as Sunshine gave me a thumbs up through the glass followed by a cheesy smile from ear to ear. I nodded at her, before looking back to Sebastian.  
“Her name is Sunshine.” I laughed, “Wanna go get some dinner now that you’re not working? My shout. We can head to the show afterwards.”  
“That… sounds amazing.” He smiled, reaching out his hand. I took it, feeling more at home than I had in months.

 “Ok, that show was somehow even better than last time!” I buzzed as the crowd began to spill back out the venue doors. Sebastian let go of my shirt, which he had gripped to so he didn’t lose me as we tried to leave. We both started walking back towards my hotel, before making a quick diversion to the swing set in the park across the road.  
“Actually, yeah, it was.” he smiled as he sat down on one of the swings. I sat down next to him, absentmindly swinging for a minute before he opened his mouth again, “I kind of didn’t want it to end.”  
“Neither. I don’t want to go back to the hotel. I don’t feel ready to call it a night, or go back to the Valley tomorrow. Something is missing.” I sighed. Seb looked over at me, a frown on his face.  
“You, the one who left this place to live on a farm in the middle of nowhere, doesn’t want to leave again?” he asked. I stopped swinging, and jumped off to go stand in front of him. He beckoned me forward, and I slotted my body between his legs as he snaked his arms around my waist. I leant in for a quick kiss, which he avoided.  
“It’s not… it’s not Zuzu. It’s not the town. I want to get the fuck out of here as soon as possible.” I mumbled, avoiding looking in his eyes. He let out a small sigh.  
“Then what is it, Rosie?” he asked, and I felt my lip begin to quiver again.  
“It’s you, Sebby. It’s you. I don’t want to leave you again. I go back to the Valley, and you don’t follow. I have felt more alive tonight than I have since you left.” I said, leaning my head into his shoulder. He planted a quick kiss on my hair, “Things fucking suck in the Valley without you.”  
“How?” he asked, “How could things possibly have even changed while I’ve been gone?”  
“Well, for starters your mum quit building. She won’t leave the house. Sam lost his job because he couldn’t show up anymore. Abigail and I have been helping Jodi, at least until Kent came home. Abigail has become a shell, she’s just running on autopilot. So am I.” I mumbled into his shoulder. He stiffened up as I spoke. I pulled back from his shoulder to look at him. He refused to look me in the eyes  
“I’m… I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you all so bad, Rose.” He sighed, pulling on my waist to bring me back in closer to him. The wind blew around us, ruffling Seb’s hair and sending a shiver down my back. I leant my chin on the top of his head, my arms wrapped around his neck.  
“Then come back, please.” I asked, “You don’t even have to go back to your mum’s place! You could live at mine!”  
He let go of my waist, pushing back on me as he stood up from the swing. He leant in and placed a kiss on my lips, before pulling away letting out a small sigh.  
“I should never have spent tonight with you, Rose.” He mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets and turning to walk away. I felt my jaw clench and my hands ball into fists as he made his way towards the footpath. I stormed after him, reaching out and grabbing his tshirt to pull him back. He huffed as he turned back around, and I began crying again as I realized he wasn’t going to have a bar of my convincing.  
“Seb, please! Please come back. I can’t fucking… fuck, I can’t go back without you. I don’t want to go back without you! I don’t know why you make me feel like this but you do and I just...”  
“You think I don’t feel the same, Rose?!” he growled, pushing me over to a park bench and sitting me down, “You don’t think I wake up every morning hoping you’re going to be there?! I see all your calls. I can’t bear to answer them. I can’t bear to hear your voice without you actually being there to talk to me!”  
“Then com-“  
“I think about Sam every fucking day. I miss him so much. I miss playing stupid music with him. I miss smoking by the lake while the sun is setting. I miss every single thing about the Valley!”  
“Then come ba-“  
“I CAN’T COME BACK, ROSE! I CAN’T. SURELY YOU KNOW WHY BY NOW!” he cried out, startling a squirrel in a tree nearby.  
“I DON’T! THAT’S WHY I’M ASKING.” I screamed, “I have no fucking IDEA why you left the Valley. Sam and Abigail know why you originally wanted to leave but they wont tell me! Abigail only just started talking to me again for fucks sake. We had a massive fight the day you left.”  
His face dropped as I stopped talking. Oh, fuck.  
“They didn’t tell you?” he asked, and I felt my chest sear with held back tears.  
“NO! Nobody will! To be honest, it doesn’t fucking matter. You abandoned me, Seb! You left with no warning! I woke up, the day after literally being on a drip in your damn bedroom, to Sam and Abigail in my kitchen to tell me you had vanished in the night. Sam couldn’t fucking talk because he was bawling. He’s barely stopped crying since.”  
“Rosie, I’m so so-“  
“No, you don’t get to fucking apologise! You told me you didn’t want to be a mistake, then you promptly went and became one!” I blubbered, looking down into my hands.  
“Fine. Leave you mistakes behind.” He said, standing up and going to walk away.  
“No, Seb, that’s not what I meant.” I cried, jumping up to follow him.  
“Go home, Rose. I’m not coming back. I’m a mistake and the Valley doesn’t fucking need me.” He snarled, before running out of the park. I ran after him, wheezing in between tears. I was fit from farm work, but combining the concert with the tears and I was not able to run very fast. Eventually, he stopped running once we reached a house I assumed was his. I took the final steps up to him, collapsing onto the ground at his feet, my body heaving from tears and exhaustion.  
“Seb, please.” I said, one more time, gripping around his ankles as I kept sobbing. He leant down to unwrap my arms from his legs, before sitting down next to me.  
“This… this is why I didn’t want to get close to you, originally. Because I knew one day I would leave and that you didn’t want to come back here. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry I was a mistake. I always am.” He said, hiding his face between his knees.  
“I told you… I told you long distance was a possibility if it ever came to that.” I mumbled, looking down at the footpath, “I really like you, Seb. Being away from you and not knowing if you’ll ever actually be mine? Hurts like a bitch. Seeing how much Sam hurts from you being gone? Hurts like a bitch. All of this hurts, but that doesn’t mean we want to let you go.”  
“You might just have to. You guys are the ones I want around. It’s other people in the Valley who I don’t want to see. Look, Rosie, it’s late. You should go home. Tell everyone I said hello.” He said, as he stood up and walked inside the house.  
“Seb.” I said as I stood up, “wait.”  
He stood in the doorway, and nodded quickly. I walked up to him, and kissed him one last time. I felt his hands reach for my waist as I touched the sides of his face. I broke away, touching my forehead to his, focusing on my breathing.  
“I hope you find what you’re looking for here. Don’t forget about me.” I whispered, and he nodded as he kissed me again.  
“I could never forget you, Rose.” He sighed, as we broke apart again. I pulled out of his grasp, turning to walk down the stairs. I looked back at him, still standing in the doorway.  
“I’m going to call you tomorrow, and you’re going to talk to Sam and Abigail. Please answer.” I said, and he nodded as he reached to close the door.  
“I will. I’ll talk to you then.” He said, and the door shut behind him. I felt my face form a little smile, as if I now had a bit of closure. I wandered back to the hotel, collapsing onto my bed quickly as possible so that my trip back to the Valley would come faster. I slept, all the while thinking about how feeling Seb’s lips on mine again, hearing his voice, being around him… it almost didn’t feel real.


	12. Hey Rachel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was selfish and stubborn, a terrible brother. You don't have to forgive me.

_Maru.  
First things first: I am a terrible brother. I know that now. Fuck, I knew that then. I just didn’t know how to handle everything after you were born. Demetrius just stopped trying to actually be my father. Struggling with my dad being gone and my replacement dad giving up just kind of sucked, and I took it out on you. I had no idea the damage I was doing to you. At some point, I forgot that you were just a kid too. Fuck, we were both just kids. _

_You were a good, smart kid. If you ever doubted yourself from what I said, I’m sorry._

_I guess what has brought this on is that I read your diary yesterday. You left it on the kitchen table. I had no idea things got as dark for you as they did for me. The constant black cloud over your head? I have it too. I promise, from now on I will be kinder. I will try harder.  
Maru, you are my sister. I promise you that. No matter how many times I introduced you otherwise. No matter how many times I screamed that you weren’t. I was just so scared to love you, I forgot you were my mother’s child too. _

_There isn’t much else I need to say other than I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry._


	13. Hold Me Tight, Or Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were the only one that even kinda came close. I just pinch myself, no longer comatose.

_Spring 24, Year 2_

_I’m in a random truck stop between Zuzu City and Pelican Town. I have all my stuff with me, and I’m not sure what I’m doing here. I’ve done this about five times… almost gotten back and then turned around and ran back to Zuzu with my tail between my legs. Three of those five times, I made it as far as Rosie’s place. I was going to stop the bike and knock on the door. Then I didn’t._   
_This time, though, I’m going to sit here until I get the strength to go back. I don’t even have to stay, I guess. I just… need to see everyone, then I can go again._   
_I think the main reason I want to come back today is the Flower Dance. Last night, as I sat on my bed-couch, I thought about Rosie dancing with someone else. Sure, after the concert she finally flat out said she liked me. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t dance with someone else, and the thought tore my heart up. Not long after the thought ran through my head, I bolted out the door with all of my shit in a bag and a note to my housemates. I got to here before I realized it wasn’t as easy as just showing up._   
_So here we are, once again doing dumb shit because of that girl. What has she done to me?_   
_Honestly, I’m scared to go back. After everything I have heard from Rosie and the call I made to Sam and Abigail, I’ve left a veritable mess. I don’t know if I’m even welcome anymore. I know Rosie would have me… maybe… but the rest of the town may think different._   
_For now, I’m just going to sit here, listen to Fall Out Boy and try and talk myself out of running away again. I only have a few hours to get back unnoticed for the Flower Dance._

I pulled the last coffee bean off the plant, making a mental note to make Seb some coffee, before remembering that he was gone once again. I walked over to my coffee chest, dumping the beans in on top of the growing pile. Honestly, I’d only started growing coffee in the hope Seb would come back. He didn’t, obviously. So, the collection of beans kept growing as I stubbornly refused to make coffee for anyone else, or sell them just in case.  
As I shut the lid, a noise startled me. A noise that was quite similar to a motorbike rumble. My heart began to jump as I furrowed my eyebrows, craning my neck towards the sound, which had left as soon as it arrived. Shaking my head in disbelief, I wiped sweat off my brow, noticing the smear of light brown that followed off my forehead and onto my hand. I cursed under my breath as I remember Abigail had used me as a tester for the makeup she bought for the Flower Dance, and I had forgotten to wipe the shit off my face before going to bed last night. I swore louder when I realized that meant that the Flower Dance was tonight.  
After my first year lead to no dancing, I’d decided that I didn’t like the Flower Dance, much to everyone’s disappointment. Well, everyone but Seb. He was happy to have someone who truly hated it, not just complained because flowers made them sneeze. However, against my better judgment, I promised Abigail I’d go so that Sam had someone to dance with. Abi usually danced with Seb, but seeing as he was gone, there was nobody for her so Penny had heroically decided to dance with her. That left Sam alone, and my rather bitter suggestions of letting Linus dance with him were not taken kindly by any parties involved.  
I walked back into my house, ditching my heavy boots at the front door and wandering towards my bathroom. I needed a shower, and then I was expected back at Abigail’s for the final makeup application for the Dance. I made it as far as my bedroom before I heard the motorbike noise again.  
“Oh, fuck off hallucinations.” I groaned as I concluded I was imagining Seb being back. It had been happening a lot since I got back from Zuzu, and I’d been doing my best to ignore it. My best was not enough, apparently. I stripped off all of my farming clothes, and jumped under the water. I rested my head against the wall as I let a few tears slide down my face. Coming back from Zuzu without Seb had not been easy. The look on Sam’s face when I was the only one who got off the bus was heart shattering. The phone call he promised them did nothing to help. If anything it made it worse. Abigail spent ten minutes swearing at him while Sam cried in the corner, and then Abigail hung up just as he tried to speak. I texted him to apologise after they left, but he never responded. I haven’t heard from him since. Not for a lack of trying, though. I can repeat his voicemail in the same tone, inflections and all. Tears fell harder as I heard the motorbike noise again, and I slammed my head into the wall as I screamed to drown it out. Anything to make it stop.  
Eventually, I got the strength to turn the water off and clamber my way towards the bedroom. The hideous dress I had to wear today sat on my bed in a garment bag. I shuddered as I looked at it, knowing not even Seb could like me in that bloody thing. I pulled some green shorts and a black singlet out of my drawers and slid them on over the undergarments for the dress. Nice, simple, and easy to change back into and run in when the dance was over and I inevitably wanted to go the fuck home. I looked myself up and down in the mirror before sighing. My now extremely long pink hair refused to co-operate, bunching up in clusters of curls that knotted as soon as I touched them. I scrunched up my now rather tan nose in frustration. Over a year in the Valley, and I looked so different. My body had toned up, and I looked less like a chubby twelve-year-old going through puberty and more like those Instagram models who go to the beach and drink smoothies for a living. I wasn’t used to it, and the only time it even felt good was when Seb would grab me by the hips to pull me closer to him. At this point, I wasn’t sure if he ever would again. I sighed, turning around to pick up the garment bag and my phone. I shot a text off to Abigail, telling her I was on my way over to have my face done. Just before I slipped my phone in my pocket, it buzzed with a text from Sam

 

_Have you heard motorbike noises this morning? They sound distant but I’m sure it’s up near your place._

 

I sighed, shaking my head. What was I going to tell him? That I heard them too? Then he’d start a wild goose chase to find Seb and be let down, again.

 

_No, Sam. Come on, you know that it’s just your imagination._

I put my phone away, slipping on some ballet flats before walking the trek to Abigail’s house, the faint roar of a motorbike haunting the back of my mind.

 

“I hate this.” I mumbled as I waited for my turn to put on the dress, batting a fly out of my eye. Penny shot me a frown, and Maru struggled to keep a giggle down while Abigail slipped out of the change room and Haley quickly jumped in. Over in the boys changing line, Sam sent me a small nod before turning to look back at the ground again. I know he was feeling super down, and the flowers were not helping. I couldn’t help but wonder if he hated me, for not bringing Seb home. He’d barely interacted with me in the whole ten days since I’d come back. I turned back to face the front, as Haley came out from behind the fabric to let me in.  
“Good luck in there.” She smirked at me, with one eyebrow raised. Haley had never liked me, and on a day like today, I sure as hell could do without her snarky remarks. I grimaced at her, before sliding into the room and shimmying out of my old clothes and into the dress. I took a second to look in the makeshift mirror, a sigh escaping me once again as I leant against the taught fabric of the tent. I just needed a moment before I went back out there. I reached into my shorts pocket to pick up my phone, firing off a text to Sebastian before I left.

 

_Evidently, you don’t want to hear from me. But it’s the Flower Dance today and I’m in this stupid change room in this stupid dress and all I want is for you to have to suffer through this with me in that stupid blue suit so then we can go home and listen to music and eat food and be happy.  
I just want to be happy._

I put my phone back into the shorts and dropped them into the container that held all of our clothes, as the roar of a motorbike played faintly in the back of my head again. I groaned as I tapped my forehead to try to turn the noise off. If anything, it just got louder. I stomped my foot down on the ground as hard as I could, and the sound stopped.  
“Maybe I do need to go back to Harvey and talk about those meds.” I mumbled, as I turned around to leave the tent. I pulled the fabric of the tent back, prepped to swat at any more flies that would come my way. I took a few steps out of the tent, before I noticed what was going on around me. The small crowd had gathered around the boy’s tent. I made my way over, my anxiety beginning to spiral up my throat like vines and capture my tongue. I peeked over Demetrius’s shoulder to see Sam, on the ground. He was shaking like a leaf and had tears streaming down his face. Jodi was by his side, trying to hold him still as he sobbed. Kent stood back a little, a horrified look on his face. Vincent was hiding behind Jas, small tear tracks down his face too.  
“I fucking heard his bike.” He wailed, “I fucking heard it. You can’t start without him. He’s here!”  
I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I tapped Demetrius on the shoulder and he let me past, with a small grunt to acknowledge I was there. I knelt down next to Jodi, grabbing onto Sam’s arm.  
“Sammy. It’s not real. I heard it too and the second I told it to stop, it stopped. Breathe. Sam, please breathe.” I said calmly, trying to get him to regulate his breathing. It began to slow slightly, and I felt him began to tremble less. Jodi touched my shoulder lightly, mouthing a small ‘thank you’ before turning back to her son. Sam sat up, defeated and miserable. His entire demeanor had changed, but he still wasn’t breathing right. If anything, he was now angry.  
“I don’t want to do this without him. I wont dance without him standing next to me” He stated coldly, staring directly at Mayor Lewis. Mayor Lewis stammered for a second, thrown off. Nobody had ever seen Sam like this before. Lewis went to open his mouth, I assume to blabber on about tradition.  
“Well, Sam. We understa-“  
“You don’t have to, Sam.” A voice rang out suddenly from the back of the field. My heart jolted, and I stood up as fast as I could to look at where the sound had come from. Everyone in front of me turned around, moving back towards where Sam was still sat on the ground with Jodi.  
Someone was standing off in the distance, holding a flower crown. Shadows hid his face, but I could recognize that silhouette anywhere.

Holy.  
Shit.  
This isn’t real.

“That’s not who I think it is, is it? Pinch me.” I heard Maru say. She let out a small yelp as someone, I assume Emily, pinched her.  
I felt tears of my own rising to my eyes as Sam stood up as well. He grabbed onto my left arm, a small choking sound coming from him. His hand trembled against my bicep, and I knew that he was basically leaning on me for support. He was still struggling to regulate his breathing. I felt both of my hands clench into fists, and then back out again. Nothing I could do would help me process what was happening right this second. I felt someone grab my right arm, and turned to see Abigail. Her face was screwed up, and she was angry. I knew she was grabbing me so she didn’t run up and punch him in the face. Robin let out a strangled sob from the back of the crowd, before running forward as fast as she could towards her son. Demetrius stayed put, and Maru took a few steps forwards, standing next to Abigail with her arms dangling from her sides.  
My heart was beating a million miles a minute as Abigail dug her hands into my arm, her nails piercing holes into the dress. I silently cursed her for having pointy claw nails. Sam was still trembling as we all watched Robin reach Sebastian and pull him into a hug so tight it might just kill him. The rest of the town murmured as we watched the exchange go down. Seb brought his arms around his mother. Hugging just as tight. We couldn’t hear anything being said, but I could faintly see him mouth the words ‘I’m so sorry, Mum.’  
Robin finally let go, and they both walked back over to the group. Demetrius began to take a few steps forward, and you could practically see the anger steaming off him. Robin stepped ahead of Sebastian, walking up to Demetrius and putting her hand on his chest.  
“Not now, Dem. He’s not here for our forgiveness.” She said, and he snorted.  
“Good, because he’s not getting it.” He said to Robin, pushing her hand off his chest, before turning to Seb. “The rest of your stuff will be outside in an hour. Anything left behind gets burnt.,” he grunted, walking out of the field and back towards Mountain Road. Robin sighed, turning back to Seb with sad eyes.  
“It doesn’t matter, Mum. It’s fine.” He said, running his hand back through his fringe “I’m still undecided if I’m actually going to stay, anyway.”  
“Wait, what?” I said, the words coming out of my mouth before I had a chance to hold them back. Seb looked past his mother to see the four of us. He took a few steps forward, towards us. Abigail gripped harder, while Sam shook. Maru walked away, presumably to follow her dad. His eyes followed her for a second, before turning back to us. He went to open his mouth, before someone coughed slightly. He snapped it shut, as we all recognized who made the sound. The wind began to pick up, and flower petals were whipped ferociously around the field.  
“You thought you might just be able to come back without any consequence, huh?” Haley said from the back of the crowd. She took a few steps forward, joining our little line. The small amount of colour Seb did have in his face drained. She let off an evil little smile, as she walked closer to Seb, “that didn’t work, did it?”  
“Haley, don’t. Not right now.” he stammered, his lip quivering. So much was happening; I couldn’t even focus on his face anymore.  
“Yes, don’t.” Pam said suddenly, walking forward to join the group. Penny, Marnie and Shane soon followed. I shook my head a few times while I looked at everyone. Abigail has loosened her grip, and was now staring at her feet. Sam was trembling harder, and his tears had started again.  
“Ok, I’m sorry, but what the hell is going on here?” I asked, looking at everyone. Nobody responded, as Haley let out a snort.  
“Don’t what, Pam?” Haley asked, turning to look at everybody, “don’t embarrass this poor boy that hurt all of you by running away? Don’t tell you why he left? I mean, it’s not my fault that Abigail is such a fucking bitch.” She chuckled, before turning back to Seb. Abigail let out a small hiss before taking a few steps forward. Marnie stepped beside her, placing her hand in front of Abigail. I could hear Abigail’s teeth grinding.  
“We know what you did to him.” Shane stated. Haley’s face dropped for a second, before she brought her smile back again. She looked almost manic.  
“Then you all know what he thinks of you. Yet, you’re still defending him?” she sneered, pulling a book from her dress pocket, “I’m assuming you’re all talking about this?”  
My eyes widened as I saw the book I’d seen Pam and Shane with during winter.  
“Seb, someone, please tell me what the FUCK is happening here. What did Haley do to you?” I asked again. Once again I was ignored, and I realized that this was between Seb, and anyone who knew the contents of that book. All I knew was about what Abigail did to him.  
“Who gave you that?” Sebastian asked, his voice lowering to a growl as he looked at Abigail. I felt her twitch next to me, while Sam finally let go of my arm to clench his fists.  
“Abigail gave me this during winter. She was self destructing about how horribly you wrote about her, and I wanted to read it to see. Her entry was gone, though. That’s not what interested me in the end, though. You’re so descriptive aren’t you, Sebby?” she laughed, waving the book around, before stopping and bringing her gaze to me, “wouldn’t you like to know what he had to say about you, Rosie. I’m surprised you want to speak to him.”  
I felt my lunch threaten to come up my throat as she called on me. She threw the book at my feet, while the whole town looked on expectedly. I knew they wanted me to pick it up. The few who had already read what he thought knew what was in there. Those who hadn’t were keen to find out. I gulped, my heart doing flips as I heard murmurs begin to run through the crowd of townsfolk.  
“I haven’t read it, yet.” I looked between her and Seb, looking for an escape from this situation. One never arrived. Everyone continued to look at me, waiting for me to pick it up.  
This was the second time I’d been mentioned in relation to this book. The first time, Seb had run away.  
Oh Yoba, it was my fault.  
Abigail wasn’t the reason he ran. I was. He knew I’d read it eventually… so he ran so he didn’t have to face it.  
What could he have possibly written that the thought of me finding out could scare him away like that? What did he have to hide?  
I knelt down and picked the book up, running my hands over the cover. I looked at Seb, whose eyes were wide. I’d never seen him so scared. My hands trembled with the amount of power I held in my hands.  
I could just give it back.  
I could end all this.  
I took a few steps towards Seb. I held the book out, ready to give it back. Just as I reached him, a force knocked it out of my hands. I looked down at my feet to see three Junimo carrying the book away. Nobody else could see them or understand what they were saying, so it looked like the book had blown away in the wind. I, however, could hear them clearly. I felt my stomach twist as I made out what they said as they made their way back to the Community Centre.

_Not all the stories are told, yet._

I watched the book float away with a heavy heart as Seb ran after it, never quite reaching it. I stared at the Junimo as they disappeared. The rest of the town stood there, watching the book float away. Seb returned, looking utterly defeated, the flower crown in his hands now slightly crushed from stress. Haley went to walk back up to him, glee evident in her eyes. Abigail grabbed her and pulled her back, the skin where her hands touched going a brilliant mix of white and red from the pressure of her grip. Seb shook his head at everyone, looking down at the crushed crown.  
“I don’t want to do this, not right now. I came here to ask Rosie to dance with me. That’s all I want to do. I understand if you don’t want me to stay after that.” He sighed. I felt my heart leap once again and a small smile come onto my face.  
“I’d…” I began to speak, before Seb quickly interrupted me, walking up to stand right in front of me. I folded my arms, in a small attempt to stop myself falling straight into his arms.  
“I also understand if you don’t want me to.” He mumbled to me, “I understand if everything that has happened today has made this all too much.”  
I looked in his eyes, everything that had happened since he left flashing before my own. I wasn’t happy with him, and I knew that deep down we’d have to talk to him about this. He’d left all of us without any warning, and then refused to contact us.  
I could say no. Send him back on his way. Let him feel abandoned.  
I could say yes. Let him live with me. Work out whatever was going on here.  
I could just leave.  
My anxiety lead towards leave.  
I could feel that most of my makeup had sweated off from stress. My breathing was becoming ragged.  
“Yoba, I want to run away.” I whispered to myself, more than anything. Seb reached out, grabbing onto one of my arms, pulling them away from my chest. Suddenly, I understood why he wanted to leave. It was this feeling in my chest, consuming all of my thoughts. It was the burning spots on my back from the stares of everyone. It was the weak tingle in my arms and legs that made me too scared to move. Having him touch my hand was all it took for me to get it, and all it took for me to find my answer.  
“Rose?” he asked, and I launched myself forward into his chest. I let the tears finally roll down my face. I felt him snake his arms around me as I choked out my answer.  
“Yes, of course I do. Of course I want to dance with you. Of course I do. Fuck.” I cried, feeling his hands rub against my back. The wind picked up, petals blowing harder around the small gathering of people as some gasped in shock at the beauty. I looked up, lifting my head out of Seb’s chest to see what was happening. The swirling patterns reminded my of the way he moved when he was working, in time with the music and the rest of the universe. I smiled a small smile, before pushing away from Seb’s arms. He looked at me, the widest grin I’d ever seen splattered across his face as he reached forward and placed the flower crown on my head. Mayor Lewis clapped his hands in delight, walking back to the Dance setup. The town followed, while Seb and I hung back slightly from the crowd. He chuckled slightly, looking me up and down. I folded my arms over my chest, remnants of anxiety still plaguing my system. I felt my cheeks go a bright colour as I looked at him, with a sheepish smile.  
“What?” I asked, and he grabbed my hand, turning to lead me back towards everyone so the Dance could begin.  
“That dress, by some magical fuckery, looks amazing on you.” He said, his voice full of the confidence I’d only ever seen in him the day we packed up cheese in winter. I looked over at him, admiring his side profile. The pointed jaw, the way his hair fell around his ears, the slight crinkle lines at his eyes, the petals stuck in his hair. I made a silent note not to tell him about those as he let go of my hand and we lined up across from each other.  
I didn’t know what was going to happen next. I didn’t know where the Junimo were going to take the book. I didn’t know how life in the Valley would have to adjust to have Sebastian back. I didn’t know where he was going to live, and I sure as hell didn’t know where he and I were going to go from here. I was just happy to have him back where I could reach him. The music started, and we moved closer to each other in time with the music.  
Petals fell, music played, and we danced.

 

“Thank you for this, Rose. I know this must not be easy.” Sebastian said from the kitchen, as I helped load the last of his stuff into my house. The eclectic mix of Solorian Chronicles equipment, a synth and comic books clashed with my DVD collection and rows of wine bottles on display. I smiled a little as I placed the last box next to my TV, dusting my hands off as I turned to look at him holding two glasses of wine.  
“It’s fine. Trust me. I’m glad we made it in time to get your stuff before Dem got out the flamethrower. ” I said, walking over to him and grabbing one of the glasses from his hand. I took a long sip as I walked back over to my couch and flopped onto the cushions, taking care to keep my wine in the glass. One more sip, and then I placed the glass on the coffee table. I tucked my feet under my legs, and flicked on the TV. The Queen of Sauce blared out of the speakers, and I twisted my head to look at Sebastian. He was leaning against the kitchen bench, looking off into space, tucking his thumb in and out of the hole in his hoodie. He sipped a bit of wine, before finally locking eyes with me. A small smile spread across his face as he looked back down.  
“We should talk about all this, huh? Before it gets weird?” he asked, walking over the floor to the couch. I shook my head as he sat down, sliding over to him. He shifted his arm as I wriggled into his side, placing a kiss on my hair as I rested into his shoulder. I inhaled in his scent, feeling myself relax more than I had in weeks. I nuzzled his shoulder, feeling my eyes droop slightly.  
“Not tonight, Sebby. We’ll sleep on everything that happened today and talk tomorrow. I’m just glad you’re back.”  
It was silent for a minute, apart from The Queen of Sauce telling us how to make Complete Breakfast and the sound of Seb sipping his wine. I was drifting in and out of sleep when Seb finally spoke.  
“I’m glad I’m back, too.”


	14. A Trophy Fathers Trophy Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Father, father, tell me where are you now? Its been hell not having you.

_I don’t know who my father is, and it eats away at me more than it should._

_Mum never really had the guts to tell me, and I’ve always been too scared to ask her about it just in case I make her sad. Demetrius wouldn’t care enough to tell me what he knows, even if I asked. Maru obviously doesn’t know him. I’ve asked people around town. Pierre, Caroline, Clint, Gus. None of them know who he is… or they know and they just wont fucking tell me. I even asked people who had no reason to not tell me. Wizard, Linus, Marlon… Nobody appears to know him.  
I’ve never even seen a photo of him. No pictures with Mum, no actual proof he is even real. I’ve thought a million different people this man could be. A million different ways he could exist. I know what I want him to be like. Tall, kind of gangly. Smart. Like, super fucking smart. Six figure salary. Never settled down with anyone. Roams cities… maybe plays music. I’ve always loved music and Mum isn’t huge on it, so I’m hoping that’s something.  
I think the reason I hope he hasn’t settled down with anyone is because I don’t want him to be a father to anyone else. He wasn’t one to me. I can’t imagine if I actually found him, only to see him looking after someone else the way he should have looked after me.   
_ _It’s not been easy growing up without him. Abigail never understood, she had Pierre right there. As much as he didn’t understand her, he was still fucking there. Sam and Penny both kind of understood. Penny’s dad left when we were younger and it shattered her for a while there. I mean… she is probably still sad about it. I know I am. Sam’s dad… from what I heard, he was always coming and going. I home one day he comes back and doesn’t leave again.  
_ _I don’t know if I’ll ever go looking for my father. At this point, I don’t know if I can even be bothered. I don’t want to be let down… again._


	15. We Used To Be Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's something I said, or someone I know.

_Spring 27, Year 2_

_It’s never this cold in the Valley this close to Summer…_

_Ok, maybe it’s not actually cold. God knows Rosie coming back to the house after going into town covered in a sheen of sweat proves that wrong…_

_Ok, maybe Rosie isn’t actually hot. She’s really closed off when she comes back from town. She wont talk to me…_

_Ok, maybe she will talk to me. Maybe she does talk. I just don’t think I’m hearing her right now. Coming back to the Valley was a mistake…_

_Ok, maybe coming back to the Valley wasn’t a mistake. It doesn’t feel like a mistake when my eyes are drooping when it’s time for bed, all curled up next to Rosie, who finally “speaks” to tell me she’s glad I’m back…_

_Ok, maybe she isn’t glad I’m back. That might explain the town thing. She comes back, closed off because everyone is getting into her fucking head that having me around is a mistake…_

_Ok, maybe I’m overestimating everyone. I doubt the ones that I still care about would hurt Rosie like that…_

_Ok, maybe I’m underestimating everyone. Sam and Abigail are ignoring my texts. They haven’t been out to see me. Maybe that’s why Rosie pulls me in tighter in the middle of the night, with a vice grip I’ve never felt in my life…_

_Ok, maybe we’re all curled up for a reason. Its never this cold in the Valley this close to Summer._

In the days following the Flower Dance, Seb and I didn’t really leave the farm. Lewis was used to this, and came out to my produce box every night. However, after everything with the Flower Dance and then helping Seb move into my house, I had barely had the time to look after myself let alone look after my farm. The bad part about that is the farm is directly linked to my livelihood.   
Sure enough, I woke up this morning with an extremely wilted kale harvest and a bad fucking mood. Seb stayed asleep as I climbed out of bed and made myself a very grumbly coffee, leaving some in the pot for when he inevitably woke up.  
By the time I had trudged out into the farm, fed and watered the animals and then made my way through my kale, Seb had finally woke up. While I finished the last of my harvest, he had dragged a chair out to the patio, and was scribbling furiously in his new diary. I had asked to read it the day he had returned, only to be met with a scowl as he clipped the padlock shut and threw it onto the bedside table. I sighed a little as I watched him shut the diary again, and lit a cigarette as he looked up to watch me work.  
I knew Seb was still very cut up about his reception after returning to the Valley. Having his stuff thrown out, and being publically called out by a girl who had blackmailed you for years only to realize half the town knew your darkest secrets is not the greatest thing on Earth. However, a part of me can’t help but think he deserves it. All I can think about is watching Sam fall apart over the last few weeks. How he lost his job. How his own father didn’t fucking recognize him. How Abigail and I both had to keep him afloat while dealing with Seb’s disappearance all at once. How I saw Sam’s face drop when I got off that bus from the city without Seb in tow. I can’t really blame anyone who is close to Sam being mad that he was back. I know Jodi wasn’t thrilled about the concept, but was willing to forgive. Sam wasn’t.  
Sam had been turning down all forms of contact with Seb since I got back from Zuzu City, and now that he was back it was even worse. All too often I was hearing Seb’s phone clatter onto the table/floor/wall/whichever surface he had thrown it at after reaching his voicemail again and again. I knew if they sat down and talked it out, it would all be ok. I also knew that was going to be a hard thing to make happen.

I began loading my kale onto a trolley, ready for a long trek into Pierre’s alone. Half of the leaves turned to mush in my hands, and I felt tears boiling up inside my chest as half of what I had harvested became useless. I took a few deep breaths and hoped for something, anything to happen, anything to distract me from the fact that I would not be making any money today.  
“HEY!” someone called out from the entry to the farm, and I flicked my head up to see Sam stomping towards Seb. Seb dropped his cigarette and quickly stood up, scraping the chair along the patio.  
“Fuck.” I swore under my breath as I began to walk back to the house. I could tell Sam was angry, and I didn’t want to see this end in a bloodbath.   
Is this why he hadn’t come out to see Seb yet? Had his sadness turned to anger?  
“Sam… Sam, I’m so-“ Seb began to speak, before Sam marched up the stairs and pushed Seb back a few steps. I felt a yell hitch in my throat and I bit down on my tongue. I didn’t need to interrupt this.  
“Shut up. Listen to me. You… you completely fucked everything. You and your stupid little book and your stupid little disappearing act.” He growled, pushing Seb again. Seb stumbled back onto the chair, gripping onto the patio railing to stop him falling off completely, “You… holy fuck, man. You ruined my life.”  
“I didn’t mean to do that.” Seb mumbled. I tried to walk over towards him, only to get a dagger filled glance from Sam. I stopped in my tracks, standing behind him on the patio. He turned back to Seb, crossing his arms over his chest. I could tell he was shaking.   
“Well, you did, even if you didn’t mean to. ”  
“Sam, I didn’t m-“  
“SHUT UP!” he yelled, clenching his hands into fists and pushing them harder into his chest. “I have spent WEEKS trying to get my life back together after you disappeared without a fucking trace, and now you feel like you can waltz back with a ‘hey man, come hang at the farm today’? You can’t do that. You’re not allowed to FUCKING do that!”  
Holy shit. That’s how Seb was messaging him? I flicked a disapproving look at Seb, who looked betrayed that I agreed with Sam on something.  
Sam backed back a few steps, shifting his weight to his heels and taking rapid, huge breathes. This had become classic Sam behavior whenever a hellish anxiety attack was inbound. He was losing it. The anger of it all had finally caught up to him. I walked a few steps closer to him, quickly placing a hand on the back of his neck. Jodi had shown us this while Seb was gone as a quick trick to calm him down. Seb’s eyes widened when he saw Sam’s breathing, and he attempted to diffuse the situation again.  
“I’m sorry I hurt you, alright? I didn’t mean to and you know that. This was never about you.” Seb stated, running his hand through his hair. “You… Yoba, you and Rosie are not the people I was running away from.”  
“Then why did you?” Sam choked through his breathing, as I reached out my other hand towards Seb. Seb took it, and I pulled him up from the chair. His hands were still shaking with adrenaline from his burst of anger, and I could feel the tremors of it through his neck as I let Seb’s hand fall back to his side..  
“Everything with Haley… and Abigail... it just got all too much when I knew they had that book. It destroyed me to even FEEL the things I wrote, let alone let them see it. “ Seb clenched his fists slightly, his face screwing up into a grimace.  
“Nothing to do with the Haley thing was your fault though.” I interjected quickly. Like hell I was going to let Seb continue to blame himself for getting drugged and feeling like he could be blackmailed at any moment. Sam took one long, slow breath in, before talking again.  
“But the Abigail stuff… that was my fault.” He said, drawing in another breath. Seb’s face softened, and I saw his lip quiver slightly.  
“Sam… I need to ask. Did you know I was sleeping with her too?”  
Sam’s breath hitched again, and slowly I began massaging his neck in the hopes he would continue to calm down. I finally saw tears stream down his cheeks, and I knew he was on the final legs of this meltdown. It always ended like this.  
“I… I had no idea. I knew how you felt about her but I didn’t, fuck I really didn’t know you two even SPOKE about any of that let alone... Seb, I… I spent weeks thinking I was the reason you ran away. Knowing that you knew about Abi and I and that I never told you had to be the reason you left, in my mind. It’s always my fault, you know? I knew it was a dick move, knowing how you felt about her but I just couldn’t say no...” he sobbed, falling forward out of the reach of my hand and into Seb, who wrapped his arms around him instantly. I could see Seb had a small tear rolling down his face as he hugged him. I smiled at the small reunion, knowing it would take a little while before things were entirely ok in the dynamic duo camp.  
“Sam, I have my feelings about the whole Abigail thing. I was bitter for a while with you both, but honestly I haven’t had hard feelings in a LONG time. You are not the reason I left. You would NEVER be the reason I left. I am SO fucking sorry you ended up feeling like this because of me. I would never want this for you. None of us would.” He whispered to him, “look, just… don’t keep trying to shut me out. Please. I missed you so much this while all this was happening.”  
I wordlessly backed away from the situation, turning to finally walk my kale over to Pierre’s. The smile stayed plastered on my face, knowing that this was the beginning of Seb healing his wounds in the Valley. I reached the trolley, and began pushing it towards the last good pile of kale. As I bent down to pick it up, a set of hands beat me to it. Sam lifted the pile of leaves onto the trolley, grinning a grin I had not seen in weeks. It was infectious, just like Sam’s attitude had always been. Seb followed him down the stairs, reaching to push the trolley along with me.

Between the sun beating down on us and Sam’s smile, it finally felt like summer was right within our grasp. Seb had removed his hoodie, tying it around my waist as we pushed the trolley along the bumpy path. The three of us wandered off towards Pierre’s, the sun making it feel like the last month hadn’t happened at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! We're back in business! I know it's short but I'm feeling the fire again!  
> Reminder you can follow the playlist for this story here: https://open.spotify.com/user/1247786984/playlist/7BTss6E9iK3iUiqwLqbgH1?si=WW-S4JyiQAeNMoybcte43Q


	16. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm never gonna be good enough for you. I can't stand another fight, and nothing's all right.

_You know what’s hot?_

_Daddy issues._

_Know what isn’t hot?_

_Step-daddy issues._

_Guess who has both?_

_That’s why people find me mildly attractive but a pain in the ass to deal with. Just ask Abigail._

_I get it. My mum and dad were… unhappy? I mean, I actually don’t know. I wish I knew. I guess Mum and Demetrius are happy. Am I a bad person for wishing they were unhappy?  
Demetrius and I have never gotten along. The constant disapproval of everything I was, everything I am. How I could never live up to everything Maru became so QUICKLY. Because I didn’t favour science, the pursuit of knowledge in the same way as he did, I was not worthy of his time. I tried damn hard to impress him, and because none of it was the science-y nonsense I have come to despise, it was never good enough.  
Maybe that’s why I am the way I am. I tried… I am trying to distance myself from the family as much as possible. I dye my hair to escape my mothers ginger locks. I’ve flirted with the idea of tattoos and piercings. The black clothes, the music… all of it is just me trying to tell the world that I’m not like them, that I’m not a part of their family. I don’t think the world believes me, somehow.  
I know that it wasn’t always like this. I know he tried to get through to me as kid. Holy shit, I know he tried. I wish younger me had known that, or cared. Maybe we wouldn’t have ended up like this, so bitter and full of hatred for each other. He was never going to BE my Dad. Nobody but my actual dad could be that, and he wasn’t around so I guess Demetrius trying to fill that void made me so ANGRY.  
_  
_Is that one of the reasons why I hated Mum for marrying Demetrius?_

 _I’ve always harboured some kind of hatred against her for this. She didn’t… she doesn’t deserve it. My mum deserves nothing but happiness, and I’ve always tried to punish her for trying to find it. I just wonder if she knows how much it hurts. How much it burns every time he makes a jab at my career. Every time he looks at me with THAT look, the look of utter disappointment. Disappointment in WHAT? What does he have to be disappointed in? That I didn’t completely 180 and become like him the second he walked in the door? That I didn’t try harder to be like his daughter? I’m not him. I’m not a part of him. That’s something that will never change, and he can’t seem to accept that. It’s embarrassing that there is a part of me that has only ever wanted that. A side effect of mad anxiety issues, I guess.  
_ _I don’t know… Maybe I should just leave. Zuzu has been looking better and better every time I ride to my spot to look at it. I could just leave this entire family behind, and they could have their magical family life… without the giant elephant in the basement all the time._


	17. Full Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without a struggle there can't be progress, even though the weight is crushing me.

_Summer 3, Year 2_

_“Without a struggle, there can’t be progress.”_   
_Yeah, the struggle part can fucccccccck right off._   
_The other night, Rosie and I went to the Saloon, and everyone looked at us all fucking night. It was so UNCOMFORTABLE; I’m never leaving the farm again. From what I’ve gathered, half the town knows my deepest darkest secrets… and the other half are not far behind. The way that book flew away from me… it was almost like magic. Rosie claimed it was this little… I don’t know, forest spirits? I think she was just drunk by that point in the night._

_Ah yes, Rosie. She wants me to get out and about and interacting with everyone SO bad. She’s going crazy about being cooped up on the farm FOR me. She had a busy start to Summer, planting new crops and getting various other seasonal adjustments done up. So much so that I’ve barely seen her. I kind of miss her, even if we are still sleeping in the same bed every night._   
_That brings me to my next struggle: my new living situation._   
_Somehow, in the span of half a year, I’ve gone from wanting to just pound this girl into the ground and then toss her aside to living with her and not being sure if I should tell her I love her._   
_There, I said it. Or rather, wrote it. I’m in love with her. I think. I don’t fucking know._

_I mean, Christ. She’s a literal beam of light. I’m living with a chunk of perfection, and we aren’t even officially dating. I mean, it doesn’t need to be said. I think we both know that there is something going on here that is more than friends… more than even a casual fling. I can’t wrap my head around it, I can’t get myself to write down and work out what this actually IS. All I know is its one thing I like right now. It’s just SIMPLE. Maybe we wont ever label this… thing? Just be in a constant state of limbo… of will we wont we. I may go mad._

Crops planted? Check.

Fruit trees harvested? No thanks to Seb, but check.

Animals set for Summer? Check.

 

I chucked the small list I had written in my pocket and let out a small sigh, wiping sweat from my brow as I looked over my farm. That last dismal kale harvest did surprisingly well AND I had managed to get my hands on enough hardwood to build six more preserves jars right at the last second, so I finally bought myself some sprinklers. I watched as they sputtered water all over my wheat crop, which were 60 strong this time around. Robin pottered away in the corner, building my new mill. I’d finally convinced myself that flour production would be useful, even if it was just to help flood the market and lower the prices at Pierre’s slightly enough so that Jodi could have better access. Sebastian was sat in a deck chair, watching his mother work while he chatted away to her. I smiled at the sight of him animated and speaking to someone other than Sam and I, before walking inside to wash all the dirt off my body. It was midday and I was ready to have an afternoon off like you wouldn’t believe. I pattered into the bathroom, throwing my dirty clothes into the basket Seb had brought with him. Before him, I didn’t even have a laundry basket… so I guess having him around was good for something. I let the coldish water run down my back, stopping my skin from literally cooking itself.  
“… In conclusion, the city really isn’t for me.”  
My ear perked up as I realized I could hear Robin and Seb from the shower. I slid down the wall a little, getting right under the window. Fuck, this place turned me into such an eavesdropper. Robin sighed, as she hammered down another piece of wood.  
“Well even if it was entirely unconventional, I’m glad you went. You know… I lived in the city for a little while too. That’s where I met your father. It’s where I met Dem, too. I always knew you’d want to go…” she trailed off before sighing again.  
“But?” Sebastian asked, as I heard him grind what was obviously a cigarette butt under his heel, “There’s always a but when you trail off like that.”  
“But I never expected you to come back. Nobody did. I know Rosie and co WANTED you to… but we didn’t actually expect you to do it.”  
I chuckled a little at ‘Rosie and co’, before tuning back into the conversation.  
“Well… things changed when Rosie came to see Waterparks.” He mumbled, and I could tell he was looking down at his feet. I knew me showing up in Zuzu had fucked with him a little, but what exactly changed?  
“Hmm… well whatever changed, I know you’re just doing what is right for you. Are you still going on your usual rides? You always headed out on a Wednesday, even if Dem had said no.”  
“I haven’t been since I got back. I know Rosie is desperate for me to get off the farm… would you mind if I left you alone to work and went out?”  
“Sebby, you don’t live at home anymore. You don’t have to ask my permission to do shit.” She chortled as she started hammering another piece of wood, “besides, Rosie looks like she’s done for the day. Have you taken her for a ride yet?”  
“Uh, no? That’s actually genius, Mum!” he exclaimed, with the most colour in his voice I had ever heard. Robin could really pull him right out of his sad-boy shell. I heard him take a few steps towards the house and I quickly moved to stand up again without slipping over, before Robin called out again.  
“What is even going on with you two anyway?”  
Seb’s footsteps stopped quickly, and I faintly heard him gulp.  
“Genuinely no fucking idea, Mum. You’ll know when we know.” He sighed, and kept walking towards the house as Robin began to hammer once more. I quickly shot up fully and scrubbed myself once over with some soap, before launching out of the shower to grab my towel. I had no idea if Seb would knock first or if he would just come barreling in, so I wanted to be covered as best as I could. Sure enough, he smacked the door straight open and stood in the middle of the doorway. He had a huge grin on his face, and I felt the heat rise in my face as he looked my towel draped frame up and down.  
“We’re going for a ride when the sun starts to go down.” He smiled, before closing the door. He was gone as quickly as he arrived. I walked over to the sink, placing both my hands on either side of the vanity and looking at my face in its bright red glory. I was unsure if this was sunburn or embarrassment that Seb almost saw me naked.  
“Pull yourself together Rosie, you aren’t twelve years old.” I muttered to myself before reaching up to lightly smack my cheek. I walked out of the bathroom into my bedroom, opening my cupboard to try desperately to put together an outfit that said ‘sexy bike rider’  
"What?” I said to the little nugget doubt that had begun to spring into my head, “you have a crush on the guy, dumbass. We gotta TRY and look cute”  
“Who has a crush on the guy?” Seb’s voice rang from the doorway. I felt my cheeks flare up again and the little jump in my chest returned.  
Oh good, we’re doing this again.  
“Ahhhh, what the fuck dude? I’m still in a towel.” I stammered, walking over to push him out the door. He held both of his hands up in defense, a huge smile across his face.  
“I’m just curious about who you have a crush on?” he laughed, as I shoved him lightly back through the door.  
“Dunno man, some fucking emo.” I smirked as I shut the door.  
“HEY!” he yelled through the door, “HE BETTER NOT BE PRETTIER THAN ME!”  
I chuckled as I walked back over to the cupboard, finally pulling out an outfit to wear.

 

“SEB! SEB NO, WHAT THE FUCK? DON’T GO SO FAST!” I squealed as Seb verged off the highway and onto a little dirt road. I gripped around his waist as tight as I could, grimacing into his back as I felt him laugh at my fear. The bike jittered and bounced as we came up to a clearing, overlooking the water between Zuzu City and the Valley. The lights of the town reflected off the water like stars that had fallen. I climbed off the bike, striding right up to the edge of the rocks we were standing on and plonking myself down on the small patch of grass. Even after all I had been through there, the city still looked astounding from afar. Sebastian kicked down the kickstand, before walking over to me as sitting down beside me.  
“I used to come here to be alone… you know… before I took off to the city itself.” He chuckled lightly, staring down at his legs as they dangled off the little cliff face, “it was my special secret spot, I guess.”  
“Mmm.” I mumbled, still staring at the skyscrapers in the distance, “I’m trying to work out which one was my apartment building.”  
“Yeah?” he asked. I shuffled over to him, wrapping my arm around his back and picking up his arm. I pointed to a building, guiding his had to the direction I wanted him to look.  
“I think it’s that one. I could see this cliff from there, just not enough to ever see someone standing on it.”  
“Ahh. The building next to that one Korean BBQ joint everyone thinks serves humans?” he asked, and I dropped his hand to cover my mouth as I let out a gasp.  
“SEBASTIAN EINAR! How dare you talk of Mr. and Mrs. Namgung’s establishment like that! I only got food poisoning there twice!” I cried in fake shock, as Sebastian almost fell off the cliff face laughing. As he stopped laughing, he pulled out a cigarette. I watched him light it, take a drag, and blow a puff of smoke the dissipated so fast I almost missed it.  
“Those things are going to kill you.” I stated, and he looked over at me with a grimace on his face.  
“Who are you, Robin?” he snorted, before looking down at his hands with a small sigh, “You’re right. It’s a bad habit. I just… there isn’t much to do in the Valley besides forming habits. Everyone has a bad one, if you look close enough.”  
I thought for a second, listing everyone I knew in my head.  
“Sam?”  
“Joja Cola.” He stated firmly.  
“Abigail?”  
“She has an oral fixation. I can bet you $20 if you’ve given her an amethyst she’s probably chewed it at least once after you left.”  
“Pam and Shane?” I asked, raising one eyebrow as he turned to look at me with squinted eyes and a grimace.  
“Fuck off, Rosie.” He chuckled, before staring back out at the city again “My point is, there’s nothing to do. People get bored, they crave substance. The city, even if it did end up being the wrong fit, at the very least gave me substance.”  
“People crave substance… Like Haley?”  
He let out a small groan, before twisting his body to sit facing me, one leg still dangling off the cliff face.  
“Exactly like Haley.” He grimaced. I knew he didn’t want to talk about it, but I needed to know. I shuffled closer to him, reaching over to place my hand on his dangling leg.  
“I still don’t really know what happened between you two. I know she did something to hurt you, and that the town is slowly finding out about it. I know it was enough to make you run away.” I squeezed his leg lightly, and he let out a huge breath before starting to speak  
“Short version: she drugged me, filmed me admitting I proposed to Abigail, and threatened to show everyone if I ever breathed of it. You’ll get the long version if you ever get your hands on the diary, I guess.” He hissed through his teeth, his hands balling up into fists. I felt disappointment and anger course through me as I learnt the truth, “I shouldn’t have let her hold it over me but I was so SCARED of people knowing about this… weird separate life all of the younger kids lived. The sex, the drinking, the secrets… I gave her all of the power, where there shouldn’t have been any.”  
“Oh Yoba, Sebby. I’m so sorry. Neither you, Abigail or Sam deserved that. Like I said, none of that was your fault.” I sighed, squeezing his leg again. A small smile crept over his face, and I tilted my head, puzzled at the sudden change.  
“You know… it’s rare that people call me Sebby. I usually don’t like it.”  
“Oh?” I said, puzzled, “but your Mum calls you that all the time.”  
“Yeah, because I’m her darling Sebbywebby. Be thankful you haven’t heard that one yet.” He shuddered, before shifting his position again. He lifted up his arm, and I shuffled once more to curl up against his side. It wasn’t cold, being summer, but I still imagined myself sucking the warmth from his side into my body.  
“I barely call you Sebby.” I stated, trailing my fingers along the top of his thigh in an absent-minded pattern. He placed a quick kiss on the top of head.  
“I know.” He spoke into my hair, before turning back to look over at the city again, “You’ve only said it three times, actually. One, the day I found you on the floor in your house. Two, just after Waterparks. Three, the night I came back for the Flower Dance.”  
“You remember?” I asked, twisting up to look at him. His eyes were shining with the faint city lights reflecting in them.  
“It’s cuter when you say it, so of course I do.” He said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. We sat in silence for a few minutes, Seb finishing up his cigarette with one hand while the other rubbed my arm. I kept making trails on his thigh, thinking about the windy roads we took to get here.  
“Hey.”  
“Mmm?” he mumbled, as he ground out the cigarette butt and put it into his jean pocket. I pushed myself out of his side, and wriggled up closer to his face  
“Thanks for bringing me out here.” I smiled, before leaning in to kiss him. He smiled into the kiss, letting out a small grunt of approval.  
“No problem.” He chuckled as he pulled away, looking back out over the water. I slipped back into his side again, feeling my eyes get heavy as I drifted off to sleep, the night air holding both of us in a moment that felt like it lasted a lifetime.


End file.
